Is it okay to grieve the loss of something that wasn’t good?

Of course.

Any kind of grief must be respected. The feelings of sadness we might feel for losing anything at all is valid.

Why is this?

Partially, it’s because the things we lost were a part of a situation we benefited from and maybe even enjoyed.

Even if it was an addiction we’ve overcome, even though the thing we were addicted to was harmful to us, the ambiance it provided in our lives was something we liked and depended on.

Let’s take alcohol for instance. What if alcohol was an addiction we’ve given up and left behind. We might find ourselves really missing the alcohol because we liked what it did for us: numbed us against the pain of life; relaxed us after a hard day’s work; connected with other partiers who knew us and supported us; and maybe even gave us a sense of control over how we were feeling.

Many of us TLSers struggle with missing things that we now know might have caused us great harm… things like the church, certain beliefs, and maybe even some people in our lives.

We miss them even though they hurt us. But perhaps what we’re really missing is not the things themselves, but what they provided for us: a sense of purpose, meaning, and destiny; a network of friendships we could rely on especially in times of trouble; the ecstasy we felt during worship; the confidence that when we were in dire need we could pray and God would rescue us; a busy schedule of activities that kept us occupied in a life that is sometimes now very mundane and boring, and so on.

So, yes, it’s totally okay to feel like you miss the life you had.

You know you can go back. That option is always open to you. Some do. But most are not willing to reintroduce those elements that were once toxic back into their lives.

Instead, we decide to move on and try to figure out how we can find the love, happiness, and peace we had but through healthier means.

Much love to you guys.

David