I wonder if sometimes we who are deconstructing cause more pain and anger for ourselves than is necessary? Don’t get me wrong, those emotions are necessary to work through in my opinion. But I wonder if sometimes we subconsciously find our identity in the fight against…whatever the mindset is that we come from?
For example, I used to be subscribed to Mark Driscoll’s facebook page, despite not being able to stand anything he said. I would comment on some of the things and hope that I could present a different view to no avail. I also would comment on statuses from some of my old christian friends, trying to do the same. But no matter how respectful I tried to be, I pretty much always left those conversations very angry –not angry because people didn’t change their minds but just angry at the whole, unquestioning “groupthink” mindset that rallies against anyone who dares suggest a different idea. Even so, I would engage in these conversations again and again. I would read those religious statuses and religious article posts again and again even when I didn’t comment on them, I would get angry as hell about them.
There just seems to be so much wasted energy in all that and I really have to be mindful of it when I’m on facebook. I’ve just taken some individuals out of my newsfeed because I don’t want to read those religious statuses that I know will just piss me the fuck off and bring back all sorts of emotions for me. I’ve realized that, sometimes, I am my own trigger and I can easy avoid so much bullshit by just scrolling past things and refusing to let things upset my mental peace.