It was like a light came on.

I suddenly realized I was in a toxic relationship.

For years!

Here’s how the light came on:

I noticed my feelings. I was angry. I had just been disrespected and condescended to.

I HAD JUST BEEN VIOLATED!

The choice was immediate: continue in this relationship or end it.

There’s no other choice.

Yes, I had spoken to this person before about this. This person was now a repeat offender. I could justifiably say I had lost hope in this person changing.

It’s sad because when I’m not being violated, things are good.

But that’s no longer going to cut it.

Next time this person contacts me I will say something like this: “Sorry, I don’t want to get together again. Sometimes you are a condescending prick that borders on being a bully and I’m not going to put up with it anymore.”

Is it going to be awkward? Yes.

Is it going to be hard? Yes.

Is it going to hurt? Yes.

Is it going to make life better for me? Yes.

That person will act shocked.

Then they will remember we’ve talked about this before.

Then they will say they’re sorry.

Then I will say I forgive them.

Then I will say goodbye.