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In the year 2000 Lisa bought me a Taylor acoustic guitar… a 210 CE cutaway with pickups, to be exact.

The most beautiful sounding guitar I’ve ever played.

I had been playing for years… songwriting and singing in the church for most of my life… performing as well as worship leading. I began my musical life, really, when a friend convinced me to learn the bass for a Christian rock band when I was 15. We called ourselves Ebenezer Stone.

Later, in the Vineyard church, some of my songs were recorded. Our church did a worship CD in 2001. We were very proud of it. I still think it’s very good.

A few of my songs made it to the CD. My favorite one… the most honest, transparent, and raw, was “Are You There?” I wrote this song at the height of my deconstruction’s intensity. Listen to the words and you’ll know what I’m talking about.

Listen to it HERE. (You need to be signed in to access it.)

I left the church in 2010 and haven’t picked up my guitar since. It sits locked away in its hardshell case.

Just like my musical gift!

I’ve been thinking a lot about that. I think I write good songs. I’m a pretty good rhythm guitar player. I’m a pretty good singer. Why don’t I pull my guitar out?

The main reason, I think, is because the instrument was always and only used for religious music. All my songs were religious.

It’s all association.

So I’m beginning to realize that my trigger prevents me from a whole creative side of my personality and life. There’s a whole reservoir of creativity locked away… and I think waiting to be released again. My trigger sabotages my joy of musical creativity.

I’m not sure how to do it. But I feel like I’m getting closer to doing it.

We all know that we sometimes allow our wounds or triggers to close us up and shut us down. I know someone who swears she’ll never love again because of her last bad relationship. That’s what I mean.

Is there a way we can process our pain to the point where we can remember our past without reliving it?

That’s the trick!