Good morning my friends. At least it is morning to me.
I was just outside to watch a flock of geese fly overhead. It was beautiful and melancholic at the same time. Winter’s coming.
I’ve been thinking all week about what I’m going to write about today. That is…
I wouldn’t be who I am if I hadn’t been who I was.
What do I mean by that?
I grew up in a religious home. Spiritually aware. Christian. We didn’t go to church regularly when I was younger. But in my teens we became regulars who became very involved in the church. I was a keener. I read a lot. Helped a lot. Lead a lot. I went to Bible College, seminary, and another seminary. Got ordained. Pastored for about 30 years. I was in deep.
I’m very different than I was though. My thinking has changed. My life has changed. So when I look back on my life, I feel a mixture of emotions and have a variety of thoughts.
- Seeing the weeds: There have been a lot of things in my life that I look back on with embarrassment and dismay. I can’t believe I believed or did those things. Some of the weeds I planted. Some of them were by others who snuck in at night and planted them. In either case, they are just weeds that I can notice, uproot if I can, or ignore if I want. No big deal. I just don’t let them take over.
- Loving the wheat: There have also been a lot of things in my life that I look back on with pride and pleasure. I actually thought and did some things really well. There are really valuable things in my life that have been there from the beginning. My truest self. My core. My essential being. I’m going to appreciate that. I’m going to love that.
- Embracing the field: I’ve come to the conclusion that it is neither the wheat or the weeds that I should focus on, but the field. I mean the totality of my life. My life is the field. It’s gone through a lot of transformations. But it is a good field, rich with its history of ownership, invasions, care, plantings and harvests, removal of stones and stumps, with tons of manure folded in. It’s a very good field.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I don’t throw out my earlier self. I don’t mistreat him. I don’t hate him. I don’t reject him. What I see is a boy who wanted to know, understand, and be spiritually wise and helpful. Helpful… not only to the church but to all people. All the weeds and wheat are just a part of my history. My story.
It took me my entire life up until now to make this field, me, a good field, where many could enjoy the harvest.
I know there are still weeds in my life. I also know there is wheat. But I’m confident that it will only get better and better for me and for others. Ten years from now I will look back on now and embrace it just like I do my earlier life and self.
In a word, it’s all good. All good.
So are you! Your life. Your field! It’s all good.
And I thank you!