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13645327_10153523513847434_8807532905875103727_nI had a strange thing happen to me the other day.

A friend posted this picture on facebook. This friend is from years ago when I was in the renewal movement… a movement in which the Vineyard church was involved, and included miracles, very passionate worship music, prophecy, and all kinds of supernatural phenomena.

The picture was taken at a conference where diamonds were supposedly sprinkling down from heaven unto the worshippers. Apparently that’s a diamond in this person’s hand.

I’ve been to those kinds of events. Many of them. In different countries.

I had to have the courage all through this time to be honest with myself and honest with others if required.

What do I mean by that?

Well… I loved the Vineyard for a couple of reasons:

1. I had theological freedom to explore what I thought to be true, and;
2. I loved the freedom of expression in community and worship.

For me, this was a union of the depth (theology) and the heights (experience). I loved the mix!

I had to be honest with myself that I’d never seen a miracle. I never saw the diamonds or the gold dust or the angels of light flickering through the auditoriums.

Then I had to be honest with those who cornered me: No! I’d never seen any of it. Nor did I necessarily believe in it.

I couldn’t deny others weren’t experiencing it. I remember meeting one couple in a store on time and they’d just returned from a conference. They showed me the gold crosses that had formed in their molars. I couldn’t see them! But they swore they were there. Sorry, I can’t see them. But that didn’t deter them one bit. They kept on believing, and they still do.

Strange things did happen to me. But like most things they can be explained away. Sometimes not to my satisfaction. I still have this feeling that there is more than just matter… something between the cells. But I don’t know how to describe it or point to it. I can’t prove it and feel no desire to. It’s just something that is a part of me. Is it residue from my charismatic past? Or is it something Other?

The thing is, I’m not anxious about it anymore. I’m at peace with it all. Including what I don’t see and what others claim to see.

I’m not sure what I’m saying here except life is strange and full of awe and wonder, and I’m happy to be living it.

Your loving friend,