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ARE YOU THERE? <—- Click to play song!

I wrote this song some time ago to commemorate what for me was the end of a great illusion. I was still a pastor of a church. But this articulated the noticeable beginning of my deconstruction. Can you hear the desperation in my voice? When all the fun is gone and nothing has gone according to plan, when all the hype and promises and prophecies and destinies have washed away with the tide of truth and time, what is left? That’s what this song’s about. I’m still living it out as honestly as I dare and can still. It was about this time that my fate with the church was sealed. It just took some time to manifest. Here I am today.

My theology has changed a great deal even since then. Would I pray these words in the same way again? I rarely if ever use the words “Lord”, “believe”, “faith”, “God”, or “prayer” anymore. They are too loaded, in my opinion, to be useful any longer. For me anyway.

I’m singing lead, with my friend Ellen singing background vocals. We had a great worship band! I do miss the music.

Deconstructing is not for cowards.

You can download this song for free BY RIGHT-CLICKING HERE. Here are the lyrics:


When I kneel all alone,
and the answers won’t come,
and my soul’s cold as stone,
are you there?

When my mind’s caving in,
and my heart’s soaked in sin,
and my eyes have grown dim,
are you there?

I believe, I believe.
Please help my unbelief.
I’ll trust you, I’ll trust you Lord.
By faith I, by faith I hang
on your every word.
Help me Lord, help me believe.

When I lie on my bed,
and the darkness instead
of the light fills my head,
when the feelings don’t come
that were promised by some,
and my life’s come undone,
are you there?