Select Page Somewhat relevant.

My mom was a speech pathologist who eventually focused on students with more specialized special needs (read: developmental issues) and she might have finally pinned down what the hell was “wrong” with me. Regrettably, netizens have abused Asperger Syndrome as an excuse to act like a complete asshole on the Internet, but I have been observed by others, including my student teaching supervisor, to either be borderline in regards to a diagnosis, or possibly a genuine case of AS. My mom had studied and did case work for children like me, so she had to deal with her studies on multiple fronts. She took the time to try and understand me. I think that’s why I miss her so damn much – because I felt that I lost the only person in the world who actually understood me for who I was. Scared. Not sure what to do. Approaching the world differently. But no.

At this point, I might was well state that my ex-boyfriend was not kind towards the idea of dating someone who was developmentally challenged. I’m 28 and admittedly act like a frat boy at times. During high school, I was caught numerous times printing out pornography and almost expelled. College was a wild developmental time for me, and that’s where I got to meet many of my friends through Gaia Online and my mentor/ex-girlfriend/best friend Kassy. I finally had new influences other than my parents and the Church. When I got to graduate school, I started to finally find my limitations – and ultimately flunked the year after my mom died. But that’s not the issue.

My mom and I were able to communicate. She made the effort to get to my level or find a way for me to see hers. My dad – he tries, but he fails so hard at times, and now his being partially deaf and knowing of how much I despise his past actions towards my sisters just makes it worse. My sisters – one is far more ready to socialize with others and able to upsell, the other is more of a pragmatist who, though by no means a perfectionist, wants to make sure things are done right the first time, and she does get frustrated when stuck on something she feels she knows.

My dad is fantastic with spatial reasoning and intelligence (my family could go on forever on his ability to pack things in a car or design decorations). My youngest sister has very good interpersonal skills, and the other is very logical. I, on the other hand, am an extremely introverted musician who has a decent vocabulary and likes to write things out over talking. I’m just not too sure how to tell my father that this apparent (though appearances can lie) inability for my family to really understand me, and I my family, is making me feel more and more angry with them. I live literally 30 minutes from where my mom died and my middle sister thinks that just staying in the area to get a job and just find a new place to live will magically make things better. I don’t feel at home here. I’m just a few miles from the worst moment of my life thus far.

I need to break away, but my family feels that such is only a reaction to some bad events in the past, that I’m being selfish. Really, I want to stop being so angry with them and the world. I have to start doing things on my own, but I don’t know how to tell my dad as much. Maybe he does understand me better than I think he does – I already told a family friend that I don’t know how to address this, and she agreed that I need to talk to my dad first. He might be able and willing to listen if I find a way for us to approach this.

I plan on eventually showing him this post and what it says. Talking was never really my strong suit – typing things out is so much better for me. This lets me see my thoughts and edit out what really doesn’t need to be said. So, if the old ass (lovingly said) gets to the end of this post and sees this part, I hope he is able to find a way of helping my sisters translate my thoughts.