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I just read David’s weekly letter.

Yes, I am very lonely.  Although I have not left my church, I no longer “belong”. I’m no longer blissful. I’m happy to be among people who love me. I love to sing with my choir family. I enjoy the company, but I’m not 100% comfortable. I used to be an active member of the prayer team. I have been avoiding the meetings. I use my kids as an excuse to why I can no longer come to the Saturday prayer breakfast. Again, I love the company. I don’t enjoy the activity of praying to a God who I now believe only exist in our minds. Although that figment is important to mental well being for many people, I feel people take it too far and lose sight of personal choice and simple life events.

My mother has been a Christian since she was 15 years old. She has matured from the fundamental believer to a more open contemporary believer. She can see the benefit of different faiths. She can worship anywhere. She also acknowledges the non historical aspects of the Bible although she does maintains that Jesus really is the son of god and came from heaven to earth to die for our sins. It’s interesting to have limited conversations about religion  with her. While growing up she was fundamental and any stray was considered heresy. These days she will at least listen. Yesterday we were talking about human sexuality and it morphed into religion. “Do you believe in a creator?” I could answer, “yes”. But when she asked further I could not give anymore. I stumbled with an answer and finally ended with, “I’m not ready to talk about this”. My mother stopped right there and changed the subject. PSA- I love my mother.

Back to  the loneliness…. These days I feel like life was easier when I didn’t know or want to know… When I made myself content with being caught up in the bliss of Jesus love and forgiveness.  I don’t share the joy of testimony. I don’t get excited from reports of answered prayer. I’m not blissfully “happy”.  Now I’m just….. simply just.