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sophia nightmare drawing by david hayward

Sophia “Nightmare”

This is one of those times when I was drawing what I didn’t understand. Only as I was drawing it did it begin to dawn on me what my subconscious was communicating. Remember: Sophia is me. Sophia is you.

Sophia is having a nightmare in which she is confronted with her worst fear: dismemberment, dis-integration, dis-jointedness.

As many of you know from Sophia’s story, her earlier years were not pleasant. She grew up under a severity, an abuse fueled by religious belief. I tried to portray this all in one drawing Trapped.

Have you experienced Sophia’s fears? Have you been taught that your body is a problem? That your body is impure? That it is full of lust and wonton desires? Have you been taught that you shouldn’t think too much? That your head can be filled with evil thoughts? Have you been taught to overpower your body and conquer your mind?

Sophia finally realized what was going on. She was being lied to. She just knew, somehow, that Truth should make her feel whole, not dismembered. She wanted to be connected again to her body and to her mind. So she escaped. And she ran. She has no intentions of going back, but at night she sometimes has her nightmare. She loves being whole. She loves feeling whole. She loves living in her body. She loves using her mind. It offends people. But she doesn’t care. She knows what she needs. She knows what she wants. She knows how to be human. She will awaken in the morning and realize it was only a dream. She doesn’t have to experience dismemberment again. She can live her wholeness, her integration, her Self. She can be Sophia.

She is Sophia.

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