After I left the church I felt beaten. I didn’t even know it, I was so numb. It had become so toxic to me that I could no longer feel or see myself clearly. The endless disappointments, criticism, and negativity that had sunk into my very marrow had finally taken its toll. But I must have had just barely enough self-respect to quit. I took a job teaching at a university and met new people who thought I was amazing, young, cool, talented, fun and even handsome. Some even said, “You’re perfect!”
My first reaction to this was embarrassment. I felt a kind of shame. Maybe they didn’t know me well enough yet. In a matter of time they’ll see me for who I really am and lose their high opinion of me. But they didn’t. They still loved me and thought I was amazing.
It reminded me of this quote Marianne Williamson:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us. It is in everyone. And as we let our light shine, we give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
When I drew this Sophia, it conjured up all those memories. It was a very emotional few days drawing this one. She is embarrassed. She feels some shame. Her whole life she’s been taught she is an unworthy sinful worm. She finally escaped that toxic environment and is moving into the revelation of her own perfection. She is perfect just as she is.
She is an angel!
How do you feel about yourself? Those of you I’ve met here I would say, “You are amazing! You are perfect just as you are!” And you are! I do not lie when I say I’m so impressed with the quality of people here. You guys are smart, funny, courageous and independent, even feisty! I’m so happy we’re friends.
I love helping people through this. And I am absolutely in love with this community. I invite people every day whom I think would benefit from it.
Purchase the original drawing or a print of this Sophia drawing “Angel”. (Don’t forget your 50% OFF discount! Use the coupon code “davidhayward”.