Some people leave the church because of a horrific and traumatic incident.
But most of the people I talk with who have left the church can’t point to any one particular incident that lead to their departure. Rather, when they look back, they see a gradual drifting away and eventual separation.
Kind of like a sad and boring marriage. No one fight or betrayal initiated the separation but just a slow, depressing ennui.
Not that their lives are all sunshine and lollipops now. But the toxic trap is behind them.