2013

A year of tears and triumph

Lost between the pages of time

Chapters of excruciating, physical and psychological pain

That which only battling kings of old are awarded medals

Those who swore tight-knit bonds of family or friendship

were by my side

or nowhere to be found

as the healer restored health and sealed the wound

Where are they?

The one’s who claimed allegiance

Many did not offer concern or assistance for a cycle of the moon

Mother who claimed, “I’ve been so busy with my own life.”

Without apology or concern to know the outcome of her “non” action

 

My anger towards my own mother and my brother-in-law & his girlfriend has really overtaken my thoughts lately. My mom has slowly become increasingly harder to get a hold of and when I or my children leave a voice mail for her, she almost never responds. Her excuse is always that she has been busy with this or that. Once we get her on the phone, she talks mostly about herself in a negative “victim” mentality instead of really sharing authentically in the relationship. My brother-in-law and his girlfriend are a whole different story. They don’t get along with my husband’s parents very well. It is always weird and tense at family gatherings when they show up. I’m really upset (actually pissed) because this is my husband’s only brother and he knew that I was going in for risky back surgery (via Facebook) and didn’t even call or text to see if his brother (my husband) was okay or needed anything. My husband had to spend the first six weeks after surgery taking care of all of my needs. His brother texted him three weeks after my surgery to see how I was doing, but didn’t offer any help at all.
My husband keeps reminding me that I can’t expect anything from my mom or his brother. He is right. It is not worth the drama. 

 

Where do I go from here?

What story will fill my pages?

The lesson has been learned

Look for those who love unconditionally

Hold them true to the heart

Whether blood or water

Life is blessed and true

Within the embrace of a relationship blossoming into truth

The rest are lifted upon the breath of Spirit

released with thoughts of highest good for each soul

 

This present moment

I rest

Allowing the dust to settle

How do I answer the inquiry from the released souls?

“What happened?”

“Why are we not communicating?”

I am unsure of how to answer.

The disconnect doesn’t offer the words of explanation

 

2014

I can already see the sun

breaking through the clouds of anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts

A rainbow appears

Angels fill my ears with beauty

As I enjoy the view in awe

standing next to my husband, my children, and my friends

with a healing back, peace, and grace.

This is my dream.