A year of tears and triumph
Lost between the pages of time
Chapters of excruciating, physical and psychological pain
That which only battling kings of old are awarded medals
Those who swore tight-knit bonds of family or friendship
were by my side
or nowhere to be found
as the healer restored health and sealed the wound
Where are they?
The one’s who claimed allegiance
Many did not offer concern or assistance for a cycle of the moon
Mother who claimed, “I’ve been so busy with my own life.”
Without apology or concern to know the outcome of her “non” action
My anger towards my own mother and my brother-in-law & his girlfriend has really overtaken my thoughts lately. My mom has slowly become increasingly harder to get a hold of and when I or my children leave a voice mail for her, she almost never responds. Her excuse is always that she has been busy with this or that. Once we get her on the phone, she talks mostly about herself in a negative “victim” mentality instead of really sharing authentically in the relationship. My brother-in-law and his girlfriend are a whole different story. They don’t get along with my husband’s parents very well. It is always weird and tense at family gatherings when they show up. I’m really upset (actually pissed) because this is my husband’s only brother and he knew that I was going in for risky back surgery (via Facebook) and didn’t even call or text to see if his brother (my husband) was okay or needed anything. My husband had to spend the first six weeks after surgery taking care of all of my needs. His brother texted him three weeks after my surgery to see how I was doing, but didn’t offer any help at all.
My husband keeps reminding me that I can’t expect anything from my mom or his brother. He is right. It is not worth the drama.
Where do I go from here?
What story will fill my pages?
The lesson has been learned
Look for those who love unconditionally
Hold them true to the heart
Whether blood or water
Life is blessed and true
Within the embrace of a relationship blossoming into truth
The rest are lifted upon the breath of Spirit
released with thoughts of highest good for each soul
This present moment
Allowing the dust to settle
How do I answer the inquiry from the released souls?
“Why are we not communicating?”
I am unsure of how to answer.
The disconnect doesn’t offer the words of explanation
I can already see the sun
breaking through the clouds of anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts
A rainbow appears
Angels fill my ears with beauty
As I enjoy the view in awe
standing next to my husband, my children, and my friends
with a healing back, peace, and grace.
This is my dream.