It’s funny but I realized, thanks to my ex, that I’ve been using my religious upbringing as a weapon against religion, when I should be using it as a weapon against those who abuse their religious beliefs and the rituals to create despicable or other-kids-of-unpleasant situations. Sadly, I’ve had the two mixed up for quite a while.
What she said to me was, “Honor that which feeds you.” I haven’t really been using the best of the lessons I’ve learned in the past 28 years for the best of purposes – rather than making myself a better human being, I’ve attacked others with it. There really isn’t an excuse for the attacking, but I know my reasons were due to being tired of being manipulated, of being made fun of, harassed for having different viewpoints. I haven’t really given much honor to the more human roots, really, because the psychology of some of it really does intrigue me. Habits, associations, it’s beautiful, but I haven’t been giving religion as much respect as it deserves as an invention of humanity, as a coping mechanism.
I do find myself breaking from the upbringing I’ve had, and rebuilding little by little. It’s not a fun process, but it’s one I’m willing to go through, with the understanding I’ve learned to develop here with you guys.