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I was Skyping with another TLS member yesterday and asked her a simple question:

“What do you want?”

It’s a simple question, but one I used to find impossible to answer. Many years ago when I was in one of my times of confusion, a mentor asked me the same question and I couldn’t answer it. I didn’t know what I wanted.

I was taught that I had to do what God wanted first. Then what the church wanted second. Then what I wanted last only if it aligned with the first two. So when I tried to answer, “What do I want?”, I felt like I was sinning and even rebelling against God. It felt so… selfish.

When I decided it is healthy and even psychologically important to take care of myself first, then I knew what I wanted. Everything fell into place. It took a long time for me to be able to answer the question, and it happened only when I got to a place healthy enough where I could hear it.