I have had many revelations along the way. Many “ah-hah!” moments. But none were greater than a simple little dream I had in May of 2009:
I am looking up at a huge waterfall. I can’t see over the rim. The water pouring over the rim is infinite. The falls hit the valley and spread across the landscape in a broad river.
Simple as that! But in the dream I instantly knew that this was a unifying vision of Reality. What is. The Truth. Immediately, all my theological anxiety was gone and never ever returned again. My mind was at peace, and that peace has remained. This isn’t to say I don’t go through episodes. I do. But when I do I simply return to the center, measure it up against Reality, and I’m fine again. Just like that.
But it has always taken me time to integrate what I know to be True. “Why?”, I wonder. Maybe it’s because I grew up in a very religious family. Maybe because I chose to be educated in theology. Maybe because I was employed by the church for so many years. Maybe because I knew nothing else.
Actually, the bottom line is I was holding on to a belief system. Once I had the dream, I perceived the beliefs I clung to for what they were: fantasies. Wish lists. False notions. I clung to them out of fear and the need for security. And this clinging manifested itself to me in who my family was, my friends were, my education was, and my vocation was.
When I had the dream, which exposed the lie and set me free, I knew it was only a matter of time before it would have to integrate with my life and manifested itself in my physical life. It was almost a year to the day when I left the ministry and the church. I still hung on though. The next two years is the story of me trying my best to keep the Truth AND the fantasies cooperating with each other for as long as possible, like spinning plates or juggling balls. They were a horrible two years. But I’m thankful for them because they showed me how foolish it is to resist Truth.
Finally, I let the fantasy go. And I believe the peace I have in my mind is going to finally manifest itself in my life. I am becoming what I am… a whole human being.