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i wrote this tonight about church last night (sunday). i thought belonging would make things easier. somehow i thought i could do this. all i have found is that while i belong, i also do not believe as much as i want. the words of g-d sear me through and through.

i’m beginning to fear it’s more self-harm than good that draws me. yet i go, still. because i want to know.

but it is so hard. i wish there was a way to go where it was kinder.