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When I began to realize that I was transitioning spiritually… away from former beliefs and towards new ways of thinking… I was frequently overcome with fear. The Baptist, Pentecostal and ultimately evangelical movements I was raised in have an automatic release of fear toxin as soon as you begin to deviate from the assigned theological path. As soon as you question, doubt or (heaven forbid) change your mind, the fear toxin is released into your bloodstream and spooks you back onto the proper trail. It’s supposed to anyway.

I was always afraid of disobeying God, of betraying Jesus, of blaspheming the Holy Spirit, of misusing the bible, and of offending the body of Christ, the church. I was a basket case.

Then along came my waterfall dream and the development of the z-theory, and I realized the trap I was in. I also realized that as I developed my thinking, that I didn’t really have to reject anything. I knew that what is real remains and what is unnecessary falls away. I do not have to reject the bible. But what I thought about the bible that is no longer necessary just fell away. What is true about the bible remains. There is therefore now no anxiety.

The same with “Jesus”. When someone asks me if I believe in Jesus, I have no idea how to answer that question. But since you, my TLS friends, are asking, I would say something like this: “The box I had my neat and tidy little Jesus in has exploded wide open and this ‘Jesus’ is no longer in a room. There is no center. There are no boundaries. This is what I would call the All in all.” You see? I didn’t reject Jesus, but my thinking about ‘Jesus’ changed into something entirely different. Now that I think more maturely, I see things far differently. My childish ways of thinking about this were put away. The questions of the divinity of Jesus, the historicity or mythology of the man, and the penal-substitution and other theologies around Jesus, do not make me anxious because I am confident… I just know… that what is real about Jesus remains and what is not falls away. There is nothing to fear.

Remember the seed? Unless it falls into the ground and dies, it cannot produce fruit a hundred fold. It’s not like the seed is rejected. In fact, it is a necessary part of what comes after, even though no remnant of the original seed can be found in the bountiful fruit it bears.

The Lasting Supper provides a safe and resourceful place for us to do this with others respectfully.