Select Page

francisco-de-zurbaran-agnus-deiThis is short and to the point.

I notice a tendency in me to resort to a victim mentality. It’s easy for me to feel victimized. Sometimes I feel the world is hostile against me personally and that the forces out there prevail against me and are determined to make me fail.

How did I adopt this attitude?

Was I born with it? Is it in my genes? Yes, maybe.

Was it instilled in me as I grew up that I was bound to fail, that I was to stay within my restricted limits, and that venturing out was careless and inviting disaster? Yes, maybe.

Did the church teach me that I was worthless, that I had to receive everything that came my way passively even if it was bad, that the only things I could enjoy were those given to me miraculously by a Heavenly Father, that I had to take everything like a lamb to the slaughter, and to always hope for the best but expect the worst? Yes, maybe.

When I left the ministry and the membership of the church, I instinctively knew that my hardest education was going to be in taking control of my own life, of becoming the master of my destiny and the captain of my own ship. I just knew it!

I just knew my steepest learning curve was that I no longer had to be a victim, that I didn’t have to take everything passively like a dumb sheep, and that I could make decisions and take initiative without waiting for a divine green light.

Now, this isn’t to negate the possibility of the Divine, but to challenge that I had no role to play except a sad and passive one.

Funny, isn’t it, that the story of Jesus, whether we take it literally or not, narrates a man who was empowered, confident, and decisive. Even the passion narrative exposes a man who, even though he surrendered himself, somehow seemed to still be in control of the situation.

And the greatest saints and heroes we admire, even if they believed in God, show incredible courage, strength, and will to accomplish great things in this world.

I’m just sharing my journey with you. I’m not yet at my destination. But I’ve come a long, long way. There’s no turning back because I just have a little further to go.

Even though I find myself slipping into that mentality once in a while, I no longer live there. Not easy. But it’s made my life easier.

Thanks for traveling with me.

Your companion,