IS IT SAFE?

Some people assume I’ve got my act together because I help others through their deconstruction process.

Not!

I just returned from visiting my family for over a week. 

I love them, and they love me.

But it became obvious to me that I still haven’t got it figured out.

Lisa commented to me that I’m just not myself with my family. In fact, when we returned home she said, “I’m looking forward to getting my husband back!”

We talked about how that’s how I’ve always coped with my family. I’m just not myself. Not my true self. I function. People think they know me. But there’s so much they don’t know about me.

Because once in a while I’ll let something peak out to see what their reaction might be. To see if it’s safe to expose myself, make myself vulnerable, come out. But the reaction are things like… 

Shock. Surprise. Confusion. Disgust. Concern. Pity. Fear. Ridicule. 

Rarely joyful acceptance. 

Isn’t this how most of us cope with our truest selves in a society that may not accept us?

Sometimes I’m not sure if it’s safer to experiment with people who don’t really know you or with people who think they know you.

Strangers or family?

Because even though it hurts in different ways, it still hurts.