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Nailed it! Every single one of those points is dead on from my experience. I think at the end the author makes a good point, too. Through such an experience, we will lose some innocence – it may change our faith, and that may help us on the way to a new level of spiritual maturity. Or we may just become bitter. I think there is a time for bitterness. I know we’ve (I’m speaking of Meranda, my wife, and I) been in it. And its important to acknowledge our feelings and know that they are there for a reason – we were harmed. But the question is do we want to remain a victim and remain bitter? For us, we’re beginning to think about those that have hurt us as broken people. They were operating out of fear – we was too provocative for their comfort level perhaps. Or we questioned things that upset their neat and tidy worldview – and they NEED neat and tidy. To make us stop, they engaged in bullying, shunning, etc. and here we are – no longer friends basically. I mean, friends but not really – you understand? Like, we can be together socially, but there is no more intimacy – kind’ve like a couple that divorced. They are no longer safe. So, sometimes I am angry (trigger moments) and sometimes lonely, but with this growing perspective I am sad for them – because so far, they are stuck there – while we’ve been sprung and are free.
Well said, Rob. I too have lost some of my innocence, but in a way it’s been a good thing. I have come into a stronger sense of myself and know that my voice and opinion matters and I no longer justify myself to others or make myself small for others. I have grown from the experience and although I would choose not to have that pain, it has shaped me for the better and made me a stronger person. I don’t think I have much bitterness left, but some people may still be troubled by my frank opinions and may choose to label me as bitter when in fact, I am just waling in my truth and as you said, that bothers some people. I did have one elder say to me, “I have a problem with you” and after working with him for about a year, I knew that was personal. It was about my approach, which differed from his. Of course, that was initially hard to see, particularly in light of a nasty e-mail he sent to someone else in the congregation that referenced me. I felt lower than low when I left there, but within a year I was feeling better about myself and stronger and knew that it wasn’t all about me. But if people can make you feel that way, they’re well on their way to beating you down. It’s amazing the things you can be led to believe, even about yourself.
Wow great list. Thank you @pmpope68 I’m not sure I would have believed the list before I experienced it. Now that I have walked through it, I’ll vouch for it. It’s all true. I particularly like this part,
“(7) You will never be the same. You will have lost some innocence. You won’t trust quite as readily. Your faith may undergo some changes. All can make you a wiser and more gracious person. Or a bitter one.”
I still have a faith. But it looks and sounds very different than the one I used to entertain/hold/live. I view most religious services and staff with healthy skepticism. It takes much more time to gain my trust these days. I think this is actually healthy.
@Rob Lentz, “To make us stop, they engaged in bullying, shunning, etc. and here we are – no longer friends basically. I mean, friends but not really – you understand? Like, we can be together socially, but there is no more intimacy – kind’ve like a couple that divorced. They are no longer safe. So, sometimes I am angry (trigger moments) and sometimes lonely, but with this growing perspective I am sad for them – because so far, they are stuck there – while we’ve been sprung and are free.”
True that. Every day now I look up and the sky and I look around at the trees and birds, I watch traffic and folks going about their lives and I think about how many people there are in the world going about their business. And I’m going about mine. I’m still moving towards the “gracious life” and will continue moving towards it as long as I have breath.
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