This topic contains 35 replies, has 18 voices, and was last updated by 
Tim WB 1 year, 5 months ago.
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Thanks Gary and John. I found value in both of your posts. It has been great to come to this group as a means to help me, not as a way to figure out how to deal with someone else’s issues.
Here is what I’ve come to realize – I’ve taken this situation personal. I care about this couple and have journeyed longer with them individually than they have journeyed together. It doesn’t feel good for my friendship to be to become meaningless just because I don’t see things the way that they do. It also has been hurtful that they publicly told people I approved of their actions and relational status without coming to me first about it. I feel used.
I think my own feelings of hurt are stronger than any issue I have with their “sin.” In truth I’m glad I’m not in that religious box that has to figure out what to do with them. John, your description brings back many memories that I wish I could erase.
If I let go of the need to be ‘right’ with them, and the need to punish them for hurting me, then my ire starts to melt.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Chad
I wish I could add something insightful to this discussion, but all I can say is, “Thanks for saying out loud what I’ve been thinking/feeling since I was kid!!!” So many good points here.
@Chad, I feel your angst. That’s all I have to offer.
Chad, your last post showed up after I typed mine, and I think you’ve got something there. The fact that they’re using your “approval” as public affirmation, when that approval doesn’t exist would be hurtful. I’m pretty sure I’d want to find some way of publicly setting the record straight.
I so appreciate your wide open honesty here. Thanks for being you.
@Chad, that makes a lot of sense. I think I’d be bothered by that too–“But my friend said this is okay!” would not sit well with me. I guess I’m also thinking that it sounds like there’s just something sending up red flags for you, and it’s not actually about some sin they’re committing. That’s probably worth exploring.
@john, as I read your original post, I couldn’t help remembering that the law of Moses specifically provides for polygamous marriages in a number of circumstances. (Death of a brother being one of them.)
This would tend to suggest, despite what a number of us may have heard taught, that the Genesis passage is a design, ideal, or aspiration; rather than a commandment. (It doesn’t read like a commandment to me, by the way…)
Even Paul (trigger warning: Paul) seems to suggest that it is better for a man to have only one wife, but it is even better for a person to stay single.
Again, recommendations, not commandments (unless, of course, the commandment is to remain single – yeah, right, who would preach that!)
And, given the number of married pastors I see whose lives are held up as an ideal – based on a small selection of scripture – I can’t help wondering if they’ve actually read all this stuff!
It is my firm belief that the nuclear family is a construct of western society: the industrial revolution, the wide availability of long-distance transportation, and the affluence of society, among many other social factors.
Anyone who tries to tell you that man-wife-and-two-kids is the way the Bible tells you to live – well, they just haven’t considered the possibilities that are already there, let alone thought outside of what’s been written down!
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