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David Hayward 1 year, 2 months ago.
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David’s anger clock post yesterday got a lot of attention it seems. I immediately related, as did my wife and I’m sure many others. I asked myself why. Is it because we’re just a bunch of angry people now, here to bash church? Hateful and spiteful? Of course not – it’s really exactly as David’s cartoon illustrates – all of us had shit happen to us and we weren’t allowed to be angry – at least for very long.
I come from a broken, abusive home. So much so, that I really have no contact with any member of my family now. After the death of my father when I was 16 I through myself completely into church, then Bible college, then ministry and through all those you’re taught that you can’t hold onto anger and bitterness – you have to forgive as God forgives us. Then some really messed up shit happened in the church, several times, which eventually led me down this road. (Moral of this story is that if you get involved with me – some messed up shit will happen!!).
My point being, that there has been stuff happen in my life that I should be angry – some with my family, definitely with the church – and I’ve never known how to properly channel that. And I know that there’s probably 200 people on this site that could say the same. I appreciate David putting this out there because it’s ok to be angry and deal with it.
I usually associate anger with forgiveness. If you forgive, the anger will go. But I usually associate forgiveness with “it’s ok, what you did” and the problem is – it’s really not. Some of the stuff from my family – no, it’s not ok what they did. More so with the church – it really isn’t ok what they did and still are doing. Want to know something that really causes anger in me? Former pastors of mine causing incredible amounts of pain and damage in several people’s lives (mine and my wife’s included) then riding off into the sunset to a new town to start over, as if nothing happened – leaving misery behind.
Sorry for the little rant there. For me, right now, I’m trying to look at forgiveness as acceptance – not in the “it’s ok sense” but in the sense that I can’t change anything – shit happened. It is what it is. I don’t need to call up my former pastor and say “it’s ok brother, I forgive you” – because I don’t. It just “is”.
Anyway – David thanks for that post – it’s ok to be angry
I always have to start with self forgiveness. I don’t get past the reactive phase until I recognize within myself how I come to experience such negative behavior and why I couldn’t respond better or sooner….before so much of the pain. When I recognize my part in the disaster, I learn something and feel less reactive. The meditative practice of mindfulness has helped me not obsess on the negative. Most of the time I can stop the “replay” in my brain of how things should be….When I can do that, I experience the beginnings of reconciliation. I don’t want to perpetuate the energy of pain and hurt. Shit does happen…that phrase alone gives space for self forgiveness.
Agreed @lois teston. Great share @chris.
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