Depressed and Housebound

[RenParticipant]

In another topic thread I mentioned that I have a disability that keeps me from getting around much.

When I do leave the house, it’s not for much more than a few hours. I go to work once a week for a 12 hours shift where I can lay down (I got lucky) and otherwise am housebound in bed most of the time because I can’t trust how long I can be on my feet or sitting up.

I’ve always been drawn to online chats and forums… but since this situation got to where it is, I’m use them most of the time to communicate.

I haven’t been ale to sleep for  long time. I end up sleeping all day and awake all night, because during the day my family is up and I’m trying to avoid confrontations.

I’m up at night because I can work on my projects undisturbed…

I read, I work on writing forum posts… I update facebook.. I play a facebook game…

But honestly, i’m miserable.

I’ve never been good at making friends IRL. I make a lot online, though. Truthfully that’s now always a good thing because I run into the same issues online as I do IRL with people who choose to attack me emotionally.

I realized tonight how miserable I feel about this.

I can’t get out to do anything much… the most I do is maybe see a movie once every 3 months.. maybe I’ll it at the coffee shop and have tea. But I can’t stay out long. It’s mostly a change of scenery.

when I come home from work, I go out to eat if I can, but I ralised tonight that I only do it to be around people. I don’t much care for the food or the atmosphere.

I sort of have a lot of social anxiety about people, honestly.

but I wish I could met with people who were nice. I used to have a group who meets once a week at my coffee shop but it broke up, so since then I’ve just turned back to being online.

I want to met good people. People who care about other people. I live in a very red state… people here are racist … classicist .. they don’t seem to much care for people who are not on their “normal people” list . Is this the way it is everywhere?

I want to see people face to face… and not be left out this time. But that’s always been my experience… I dread being around people, but  I’m so lonely.

[moxierocksParticipant]

I  understand how you feel as far as loneliness goes…I have been mostly housebound the better part of 3 years now, mainly due to my youngest daughter’s sensitive immune system. It’s not forever that I have to keep her inside and away from people, but I don’t have any friends to speak of in my life that are three dimensional and in real life. So when I get out, it’s usually just mundane things like shopping for groceries (woohoo) and doctor’s appointements (yay)…I love all the friends I am making here and other places online, but it really isn’t the same! I have met a few people this year in my area  that I’ve spent a little time with in person, but there is a huge divide between us as both of them are still church going Christians and they kind of seem to want to “save” me since they know I am not. I don’t know how to make friends anymore really, at least it feels that way. I am not disabled, but I live with chronic illness that further makes it difficult to cultivate relationships, and many people don’t have patience or understanding for me in my health struggles. I spend time with my local siblings sparingly, since they are never very supportive or all that loving….:( Ren, I am so sorry you’re feeling so miserable. I really do understand. I wish I had more to offer than a bit of empathy and sincere hopes for a brighter future for you. ((((HUGS))))

[cowboyjunkeyParticipant]

@Ren I can assure you that everywhere there are people that are outside of the mainstream.  When you are able to find people of your own kind its awesome but it sure gets lonely when you can’t.  I know exactly what you mean about online vs real life.  Wouldn’t it be great we were all at a coffee shop together?  I guess the only consolation is that at least we can find each other due to places like this.  I have experienced many groups that come together but either slowly fade or I move away from (literally – moving 1000’s of kilometres away).  I know now I’m longing for what I had many years ago (I’ve written in all in my intro).

 

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