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http://www.patheos.com/blogs/nakedpastor/2012/02/god-broke-up-with-me/
David put that cartoon out less than a year after I was out of religion. I remember putting it on my blog with a long post about how this was exactly how I felt about God after leaving the church. However, it was also how I felt while in the church and praying for him to show up with no reply.
I started a blog called Nonplussed By Religion two months after leaving the church because I was just that, absolutely nonplussed. I needed a place to talk through my problems, even if no one ever read what I wrote. I was also really angry. At my family and community for not allowing me to choose religion on my own. At myself for having all the tools I needed to stop attending church, yet continuously holding on and finding reason to stay. Most importantly I was angry at God; a god I no longer believed in. While intellectually it made no sense, emotionally I was wrecked . It was the darkest period of my spiritual life. Darker than the time of struggle that got me there. A time I’ve often compared to ending a really bad relationship. I knew leaving was best, but I didn’t know how to live alone spiritually.
One of the luxuries, or downsides of only working 2 days a week is I have plenty of time for introspection. I have lots of opportunities to thoroughly examine my life and ask myself the tough questions. One of them was, “Why are you so mad?” I was gracious and kind to others, but I was very sad and angry. I can now admit that it had to do with my choice to go it alone.
When you suffer a loss, be it a death, breakup/divorce, or whatever, you tend to have people in your life that will offer some measure of comfort. Being the only person in my immediate circle of friends and family suffering through this took a toll on my emotional well being. Add to that the message that I chose to be in pain by abandoning God was like pouring salt into very raw wounds. I was incredibly lonely and depressed. I was so depressed that even when I was on the other side of religion, I could not find joy in the leaving.
I’m in a much better place now, but the battle was hard fought. It had a lot to do with people contacting me on my old blog and expressing that they were going through the same things I had. Knowing I was not alone helped me regain my perspective and move on. I’ve since learned that I’m not the only one of my friends who walked this road. I suffered alone and I didn’t have to. After this morning’s hangout I felt compelled to speak to them and posted this on Facebook:
When you’re going through a major life changing period, it’s made harder if you think no one else has been there. Believe me, others have been there. Leaving my faith behind was not an easy process and I unnecessarily went through that alone. Whatever it is you’re going through you don’t have to do it alone. Find some resources, even if those you’ve opened up to aren’t very good at validating your fears/doubts.
A friend sent me an email afterward saying how much she needed to hear that. She then went on to say she feels like her doubts make her an unfaithful wife That if she questions or leaves her faith, she’d be the bad partner in her relationship with God. I asked her to honestly think of the last time she felt like God was present. When she said it’s been years, I shared that cartoon with her and let her know how much I understood where she was right now. I let her know that we often view a separation purely as an ending when in fact it can be the thing that starts something wonderful. I would not be here if I had not decided to stop riding the fence and take a risk at starting over.
I’ve invited her to join TLS but I’m not sure if she’s there yet. If she does I think it will rock her world!
I would not be here if I had not decided to stop riding the fence and take a risk at starting over.
Here Here!!!
There may be less people on this side of the fence, but at least we have this place to connect some of us! I hope your friend joins TLS…
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