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The past two Saturdays I drove my wife out about one hours drive to our daughter’s place in the country so she could have Christian fellowship with her small group who are mostly relatives. Seeing that I was there two weeks in a row, some were thinking that I was desiring spiritual/biblical fellowship. Not so. It’s nice to visit but I am still P.O.W.R (pissed off with religion). But I did get into a conversation with my son-in-law in which my doubts about some biblical doctrines were expressed. I do try to hold my self back from saying too much, considering that I do not want to undermine their faith but I do want to be honest about my own position, even though I am in a place of uncertainty.
Today I had no desire to go to the gathering and the snow was falling making the roads more dangerous so I had an easy excuse to stay closer to home. Anyway, we went to the local mall for a few things and have a cuppa coffee and tea. While my wife was in the library I sat out front watching the people walk by.
Because I am in transition in my world view I entertained the mind-stretching thoughts that I love everybody and everybody loves me. These are radical thoughts that may not be true but they are disarming to my former fundamentalist mindset with its christianly judgmental ism.
Some of those walking by could be identified by their clothing as Muslims and Hindus. When you see people with their children, family and friends you can tell that they have love in their hearts, it is a human trait. From this one can extrapolate love for all humankind. I was thinking about the unity of all things and that we are all made of the same stuff, we are all a part of the existent universe.
As I sat there I noticed over to my left in one of the library entrances a woman from my former church. (She is also my son-in-law’s sister) I had actually baptized her years ago at a lake. Because she had signed a congregational letter three years ago stating that I was to have no communication with any of the undersigned I felt uncomfortable so I immediately dug out my iPod and shifted my body posture away from her direction. In a few moments I sensed someone sit down next to me. When I turned I was face to face with my ex-sister and her young son. She had not recognized me when she sat down but when she did she smiled and got up and gave me a hug. (A year ago she and her husband left our former group and began a more grace styled life with another church.) After greeting her husband and a little chitchat we said our goodbyes and went our different ways.
I had wondered how I would react when I met my rejectors. On this occasion thinking about love and unity (in a non-christian way) beforehand helped my attitude.
Cool. It’s not always bad.
I just read your story again @hugh. Moving! Powerful. And I like the way you write.
@hugh It’s sounds like you are in a good place. I’m glad you are seeing a shift in your attitude. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks guys. My attitude kind of changes like the weather. Sometimes I see light on the horizon and then storm clouds can move in, but I’m working on it.
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