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This is my question this morning. As I look back over the past couple years of my life and even this past summer. I feel that there are areas of my life that need to be healed.
Where does healing come from? The kind of healing that frees the soul and heals the emotions and hurts from the past. The kind of healing that stretches all the way back to childhood. Healing that obliterates shame and releases us. Is that kind of healing already within us? Does it just ‘happen’ with time? Is it birthed in healthy, supportive relationships? I’ve heard it said that the greatest hurts come through relationship but the greatest healing also comes through relationship.
So, where does healing come from?
i wish i knew the answer. part of me thinks it comes with time. but i’ve seen many people ignore issues and pains and end up worse for the wear many years later. so, it cannot possibly be time alone. i tend to think that it is a combination of time, willingness, others input, our own desire for change, etc…
i’m adding my voice in the hopes that others will have thoughts to further my journey towards the answer of the same question.
AnonymousThat’s a good question Sara! For me healing has come from journaling, counseling, reading books about dysfunction/abuse/recovery, attending a support group or 12 step group, pounding nails and throwing rocks (LOTS of rocks!), writing letters that I did NOT mail, learning to identify my needs and honor them by setting healthy boundaries (still working on this!), and through spending time with nature. I have taken my lawn chair and sat countless hours in the mountains or by a stream or lake. Sometimes I was meditating, praying, grieving, throwing rocks, taking a “time out” from the demands of life – and sometimes I was writing or digging in the sand or building rock pyramids. Whenever I experienced an important epiphany, I liked to build a rock pyramid (I used to call them altars) as my way of celebrating and setting my epiphany “in stone” to help me remember it.
If you already know what the root cause of your pain is, that is half the battle right there. I spent years in therapy before I discovered I had been sexually abused as a child. While I needed therapy just to help me cope with life, I also seemed to just be going in circles as far as feeling deeply healed. Once I knew about the sexual abuse, I made a lot of headway in a much shorter period of time. I have to say, for me, deep healing came from many sources – but mainly from God, nature, and therapy. Ultimately, I think healing does come from within us. But I also think many times we need help to get in touch with the truth/healing that lies within us. Sometimes there are LOTS of layers of the onion that have to be unwrapped first before we arrive at the healing we are seeking. That said, can any of us ever say we have fully arrived in this lifetime? Nope. There will always be new things to explore and discover and new epiphanies to celebrate!
AnonymousJust to clarify…I say the truth/healing comes from within us because the Kingdom of God is within us. Therefore, where else would truth and healing reside but within us?
Anonymous@jo-white, I really appreciate you sharing your processes as (I’m sure) they’ve developed over the years. I’ve been in regular therapy since last November even though my “healing” isn’t due to any abuse or serious mental health issues. I just like having somebody to talk to, really, who I can share anything with. I started therapy, though, because I was having panic attacks and was suffering from a mild depression due to the dissolution of my relationship with my fiance. I got put on an anti-depressant…and I guess I still struggle with the thought of being “the kind of person who need anti-depressants.” I guess I always thought I was stronger, more relaxed and “better” than this. The past year has been interesting…and I’ve come up against a number of personal challenges which I, even at 31, never, ever had to really face before. I guess I need healing from how sheltered and protected from life I was for 31 years of my life.
To answer the main question, though, I want to believe that time and willingness are the two important factors in healing. I believe that admitting one’s brokenness is the first step, followed by identifying the problems and the courage to confront those problems/fears through a variety of means. I don’t know that there’s a universal recipe for healing. I personally believe in talking, writing and relational therapy, for starters, but I may outgrow these methods at some point and need to move into other areas to receive a similar benefit.
AnonymousE&A – thanks for your kind words. Your post reminded me that I forgot to mention taking an antidepressant. I have been on Zoloft for years and it makes a HUGE difference in my life. It was invaluable through the years I was working through all the abuse. Even though I no longer need it for that, I have a chronic illness which causes depression, plus just having a chronic illness is depressing in itself. If an antidepressant helps you have a better quality of life, then by all means take it and do NOT feel guilty for needing to take it. Dealing with past pain/abuse is hard enough. An anti-depressant can not only help make that process easier, but it can actually enhance the healing process.
It makes me angry that so many Christian leaders/churches tell people they don’t need an antidepressant (and/or counseling) – all they need is God, or to read their Bible more or pray more. That is such BULLSHIT! If you are depressed – especially if your brain chemistry is screwed up which it probably is – NOTHING is going to help that except taking an antidepressant. It’s no different than a diabetic taking insulin or someone with low thyroid taking thyroid medication. I guess they should just pray and read their Bible more huh??? That is ridiculous! And if your serotonin levels in your brain are diminished, then you need a medication which will raise the serotonin level, and the only thing that can do that is antidepressant medication! So don’t listen to the Christian legalists who love to put guilt trips on people for taking antidepressants. And don’t listen to the shame/guilt tape playing in your head either. You are NOT any less spiritual because you take an antidepressant anymore than a diabetic is less spiritual because they take insulin! And just because you need to take one now doesn’t mean you will have to take it the rest of your life.
Not taking anti-depressant medication has nothing to do with being “stronger” or “better.” In fact, it takes more courage and strength to take an anti-depressant when you need one than refusing to take one! When you need one, it not only makes life easier for you, but for the people closest to you. My mom had severe depression and her life (and mine) could have been so much easier if she could have given herself permission to take an anti-depressant. Unfortunately she bought into the church’s lie that depression is a spiritual condition that needs a spiritual solution rather than a medical one.
Thanks guys for your thoughts on this. It means a lot. I think I’m being very impatient with myself. I feel that I should be further ahead and well I’m not.
I’m doing tons of reading, journaling, reaching out to others, and seeing a counsellor. But at times the discomfort seems so overwhelming.
AnonymousSara – You are doing great – so give yourself a huge pat on the back cuz you deserve it! I know you are anxious to get all this figured out, but you can’t do “recovery” 24/7. Well you can, but I don’t recommend it! I tried that back when I was in therapy and I found out you have to give your body and brain an occasional break. Give yourself permission to put your brain in neutral for awhile. Go do something fun or creative or just do NOTHING. Perhaps a Netflix “Grays Anatomy” (or whatever your favorite show is) marathon weekend is in order, or a day trip/lunch/movie with a friend. R & R is every bit as important as journaling, therapy, reading articles/blogs/posts, etc.
AnonymousSara,
Jo is so right! 24/7 “recovery” is exhausting and easily becomes just another stressor. I can attest to this because I overanalyze everything. Sometimes I still get REALLY depressed or feel really fuzzy-headed from anxiety, so I look forward to watching “Star Trek: Enterprise” with a pizza or spending some leisure time in the company of others talking about silly things. I am convinced that learning to relax is a critical element to healing.
When I started having panic attacks and relentless anxiety last Winter, all I did for weeks was just obsess about finding a resolution never seeing that my attempts to getting to the bottom of things was really only adding fuel to the fire. I then learned to turn my discomfort into power. I had been immensely successful at facing the reality of my discomfort (which is a HUGE step) and asking the appropriate questions trying to identify the reasons for my discomfort but it took time for me to learn to face my fear and confront it with the simple yet challenging truth that whether through grit or grace I had managed to get through everyday, that my fear would not kill me, that God, or my friends, or my grandpa in heaven had my back, that had risen above before and would eventually rise above again. With time, realizing these things, I learned to just sit with the discomfort, acknowledge it and embrace it. Sure, it still feels crappy in the moment but I feel more in control than the other way around (dissolving on the floor in tears) and that feels much more empowering.
@Jo White @Christopher Thank you for your kind and insightful responses. I too tend to over analyze everything. And ‘yes’ I’ve been living in the ‘recovery’ stage 24/7 and now I’m exhausted. I guess its time to just take a break and enjoy life a little bit. If I can remember how. ha!
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