I’m finding it difficult to put my thoughts into words lately. Its almost like there are no words. Just silence and a mixture of anxiety, sadness, hope, confusion, resolve, etc., a strange mixture. I thought for sure I had moved through the deconstruction process ( painfully and messy ~ but had moved on from it) but I’m wondering if I have…[Read more]

This is my question this morning.  As I look back over the past couple years of my life and even this past summer.  I feel that there are areas of my life that need to be healed.

Where does healing come from?  The kind of healing that frees the soul and heals the emotions and hurts from the past.  The kind of healing that stretches all the way b…[Read more]

So I feel that I have been MIA for a bit now…a couple of months.

I can pinpoint the very two days where things drastically changed for me.  The first day I had a disagreement with my mother on the phone which left me sobbing, frustrated and feeling very judged and misunderstood (her words included… ‘ Sara, you are always so angry!’).  The n…[Read more]

We were actually friends for 14 years (at one point inseparable and more like sisters).  When I found my heart leaving the church, the dynamics in our friendship changed.  I was becoming more myself (which I had stifled most of my life) and in the process learning how to set boundaries and speak up for myself.  Soon after I left the church our fr…[Read more]

Warning~ ‘f’ bombs.   I love what she says at the very end…..

http://www.upworthy.com/dear-straight-people-we-have-to-talk?c=upw1

So I’ve been wrestling with this one.  Always have.  I’ve hesitated to ask (just because it seems it should be simple) but there is nothing simple about it I guess.

I have never understood the need for a blood sacrifice.  Seeing that it is the Easter holiday, I guess its fitting to finally ask the question.

So…Why the ‘blood sacrifice’?  Wh…[Read more]

Please forgive me for having to ask this question but I am struggling a bit to answer this for myself.

It has been so engrained in me (since childhood) that I am nothing without Christ.  That I am nothing but a sinner.  Sinner =bad.  I have loathed myself most of my life.  And I have also ‘worked’ to gain approval not only from others but from m…[Read more]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9D05ej8u-gU

Its been more than 10 years since my husband and I left the church of our youth.  It was at this church that we met, married, went to Bible school, and ended up pastoring the youth (and eventually the whole church for a short time).

In the end it was a dysfunctional place and we had become dysfunctional.  We were hurting so badly.  Le…[Read more]

So I was hoping that someone could help me process something…

I forwarded the link to my husband regarding the article on Calvary Chapel.  For some reason this prompted him to look up the website of our old church (the one we lead in as youth pastors and worship leader ~ and at one time intermpastor).  Under this churches ‘history’ page it l…[Read more]

I have so many fears.  Fears of disappointing my family (mainly my senior parents) if I express my ‘questionings’ or new found ‘unbelief’.  It would worry them…I think.  I don’t want to worry them.

I’m afraid that I am going to mess up my kids (if I haven’t already).  First I teach them about Jesus and read them the bible, take them to Sunday …[Read more]

I just wanted to formally say `hello`.  I decided to peek out.   I gave a bit of my story this morning at  how did you blow the whistle and what happened? (and its really just a small bit).

There are a lot of gaps to fill in but I just wanted to say hello to you all and I`m so delighted to be here.