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The notion of hell was my undoing. I was a happy, obedient, submissive Jesus loving child of God until…my mom was sick and dying of cancer. My prayers (ask for what you need in My name believing and it will be done) did not experience the outcome I desired and my Christian friends telling me after she died that God is merciful; she is surely in heaven. Most of the time that would suffice however, doubts would creep in and I would feel akin to crazy; wondering well what if. Then of course the thoughts would come in torrents…how can I love a God who would possibly create, keep and torture my mother in hell for ever and always.
That was 4 years ago. This has been, hands down, the most excruciatingly painful, and lonely time of my life. At first very lonely for my constant communication with God and now, very lonely for human companionship. Thankfully, my husband joined me (and isn’t currently partnered with our old Christian friends praying and fasting for me to come back into the fold
His name is Rob Lentz and he has been involved with TLS for a few months now and has really appreciated the support and “fellowship” lol. Looking forward to getting to know some peeps that can relate.Merlin’s,
Welcome to the group. I have enjoyed Rob’s comments so far snd look foreward to yours as well. I’m sorry to hear about you losing your mother to cancer. I lost my father to a sudden heart attack and that was a very time for me. My wife lost her mother to a long drawn-out illness and that was even more hard on her. I agree that loosing a loved one is hard enough by itself without religion making it more difficult with notions of the possibility if hell thrown in there.
AnonymousHello and welcome. I am new to this site so you are the first person I get to greet. I am truly sorry for your loss. I believe hell is what we make on earth through our own bad judgment and the bad judgments others make. Your mother is free from that now so it is safe to think that she is in a better place. I sincerely hope that you find the peace and community you are looking for on this site. I hope I do as well.
AnonymousMerlentz – When I saw your “handle” I immediately thought of Rob and figured there must be some kind of connection with him. Nice to have his other half here now too! Welcome to TLS! I am so sorry you lost your mom and then had to deal with toxic “Christian crap” that only added to your pain. I think you will find this to be a very healing place where you can be who you are and you have the freedom to say what you want to say, and you will be respected no matter what! Here’s to better days ahead for you!
AnonymousMerlentz, welcome. I totally know of the painful lonely time. TLS seems to be the one safe place for deconstruction survivors. Many, even most TLSers are in some stage of deconstruction, or at least radical rearranging. It was not that long ago for me that I reached out to a few close friends and told them I thought I was going crazy. If you listen to the recent interview of David Hayward by our very own Pam Werner, you will hear him talk about his dark days. You are no alone here, welcome.
Hi merlentz. Welcome! I’ve appreciated Rob’s comments and I’m glad you’re saying hello. (My Father died a very long time ago now and it was a literal hell. People say stupid shit when they don’t have answers as you well know. I didn’t think I could bear it. But, I did and I’m still here and happy now days.)
Welcome to the community. “Hell” was definitely my undoing as well, or at least the beginning of it. I hope we can provide for you a safe and fun community where you can share your thoughts freely
Hello and welcome. I had a moment when I “stopped believing in Hell” when I was taught that suicide was a sin. Not that suicide is good, but if a person is so miserable that death is the solution they are already in Hell and I refused to believe in a God that would send a person who was suffering that much on Earth to Hell.
merlentz- welcome!
I think you do raise an interesting issue here, that a belief in the afterlife, for good or bad, has an important impact on pastoral work, on dealing with people who are already suffering and grieving.
I was watching the news the other day, and saw a Muslim who has lost his entire immediate family (wife and children) saying that they were now happy in paradise, and he was happy for them. they were just waiting for him. It was wrong – he should have been grieving for his loss, not celebrating their deaths. The logical conclusion of his idea would be that he needs to ensure that he dies so to join them, or at least that his time on earth is not just time away form them. What sort of pastoral support is that?
So it is not just Christianity that has these problems. And yes, if you preach about hell and the fact that “sinners” go there, then you have to then deal with the very unpalatable impacts of that on those around you. If you preach about a Victorian hell, of torment and anguish then you have to accept that this is part of Gods workings. And that does not make for a very pleasant God.
And, of course, if all those who are “right” are in heaven, that will be the most tedious and loathsome place too. I do wonder whether maybe they are actually upside down – the self-righteous hell-preachers are the ones who will inhabit hell, and spend eternity explaining why all they have to do is work a bit harder, whereas the party-lovers, those who lived the hell out of their life will be in heaven giving it up big time. Sounds more like my type of place.
Thank-you all for your kind words!! I look forward to getting to know you.
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