Letting go of attachment to church

[Anonymous]

The title is about letting go of our church but it’s NOT attachment in a warm, fuzzy way at all.  My husband was the pastor there for 4 years and we had a very stressful departure.  There was never really any closure.  I am glad to be gone and I have deleted most of the members from my FB…. but then I found out that I could sneak on their church page to check on updates without actually having to “like” the page.  I feel like a stalker. LOL…. the thing is….it was (and still is) a dying church, so before we left my thought was…. either I want to see it die, or I want to see it become very successful (even though I no longer believe in church at all).  So from time to time I get curious…. they still have not hired anyone to replace us but I get curious to see what is going on.  Is it too strange that i do this?  And if you’ve done this, how long does it take to get over my curiosity?

I wasn’t sure where to post this– in the ex-pastors, in the Church section, or here.

[KateParticipant]

I’ve been through something similar in the past.  I’d say it was totally normal and not at all strange to do what you are doing….and that the curiosity dies its own death after a while…how long?  Well, how long is a piece of string?  I don’t know…for me about a year….but I don’t think there are set rules.  Sending you hugs – it is a hard time to go through.

[Schroedingers-CatParticipant]

I still go to the home group in the church that I left. It is strange, but there was something about the church that attracted me, and this was well expressed in the group, so I cam continuing. While I get something out of it, I will continue – that is sort of my philosophy, that I will find those places that I can grow in and explore my faith in. It sounds very selfish, but I do also give to the group. But I am giving to the group, not the church in a wider sense.

So yes, it does make sense to feel a loss when you leave a church, and want to know what is happening. There is probably also a sense of hoping they cannot cope without you, if that is your thing! I had hoped this, but found that they manage perfectly well without me. In one sense, that means I am not needed there, so that proves me right!

[starfielderParticipant]

I took myself off of all the email lists. I stopped looking at their website. I simply wanted to be able to think about something else and change my interests. When I kept keeping up with them it meant that that space in my life was filled by them. I wanted to make space for other people, other wonderings, other hobbies. It didn’t happen all at once. It happened gradually. It was painful for a bit but now it simply is what it is.

The space that all of that took up is taken up now by life giving things and people.

[Anonymous]

Thanks…. oh, I am not on any kind of list that’s for sure.  It doesn’t consume my life- but I do tend to check their page about every other day.  There are some weeks that I go not checking it at all.  I just get curious but nothing is going on there anyway.  I’m just anxious to see if they are ever going to replace us- it’s been a  year and a half since we left.  I do know that the elder secretly wanted to be the pastor, so maybe that is what is going on.  Anyway– I guess it will start to even out again.  I’ve just been thinking more about it lately just because I”ve been sharing my s tory so often on this site.

 

 

[AgnosticBelieverParticipant]

I think it’s normal to have an attachment to something that was an important part of your lives. I think as you continue to move on, you will check out their page less and less until one day you forget to do it. Don’t fight and just make sure going there doesn’t feel like you are in that same place you had to leave.

[Author]

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