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Well my friends. Kellie got one, and now I did too. My questioning was from one of my close friends in Bible College, who just happens to have also been the best man at our wedding. I am nervous, but at the same time I feel a great weight off my shoulders. Other than the friend I have been talking with for a while, this is my first spiritual coming out to a friend. I wanted to share it all with you. I will keep you all updated. I appreciate your support so much. You guys rock!
“Charles, you have to forgive me. I have been working an extremely busy work schedule. Pretty sure I have worked a year’s worth of hours in 5 months. What is going on with you? I’m not going to lie, I am concerned about the stuff I see you writing.”
“No problem bro. I understand you’re busy. I’ve been super busy too. My schedule is not the best when it comes to planning conversations with my friends. I am still working for USAA, although still looking for other things. The salary just isn’t what I need. Kellie is looking into subbing a couple of days a week as well. As far as your concern goes, I can understand, from an evangelical point of view, why you would be concerned. A lot has changed, and I would like to sum up for you where I am at.
EXISTENTIALISM
I have embraced theistic existentialism. I still believe in God, although I have come to realize that the nature of ultimate reality is, at the core, subjective. Each persons understanding of the divine is based upon many things; their culture, their upbringing, their experiences, etc. We pattern our theologies and ideologies based upon these things. The true nature of ultimate reality cannot, I do not believe, be fully known. I guess you could say that though I believe in God, I am somewhat agnostic, in that I admit that no one belief system has the corner on truth with absolute certainty.
PANENTHEISM
While I do believe that God is distinct from creation, I also believe that God permeates, or is present in all things. I do not think that all is God, nor do I believe that I am God or a god, but simply that all things posess a divine spark. Because of this also reject the doctrine of original sin. All that exists is spiritual in some way or another, and valued and accepted by the Divine.
UNIVERSALISM
Because I believe that all created things posess a divne/spiritual quality, and each persons believe in God is subjective, I also believe that all paths ultimately are facets of the same ulitmate reality. They are all equally valid. I find beauty in all religions.
HELL
Based on this, as you may imagine, I have rejected the doctrine of Hell altogether. I have always struggled with the idea of Hell. If God is love (and I believe he is), and if God is all powerful (and I think he is), then he is powerful enough to save everyone (If everyone needs saving). If, as evangelical Christianity teaches, God lets/allows some to slip by the wayside, then he is not all powerful or worthy of our time. But, as I said, I reject this doctrine of a vindictive, tyrannical God. I firmly believe that the doctrine of Hell was fabricated by the church to control the masses.
THE BIBLE
I still believe the Bible is a record of teachings about God, but I have rejected the doctrine of innerancy. You might say I embrace, to a point, the philosophy of Karl Barth. Meaning, the Bible is only the word of God as it becomes so through our experience. It contains the existential interpretations of the human beings who wrote it, and thus cannot be expected to be completely objective.
THE CHURCH
Although many churches do a lot of good, the majority of churches, especially in america, are corrupt. At the end of the day it is about gaining the numbers, building the buildings, and the poor get the leftovers. The church also subtly, or not so much sometimes, rejects anyone who thinks differently or questions much of anything. Legalism is rampant in many churches, and the church at large is a dying entity. I am not saying that all Christians are like this, just the church as a whole. I know there are different strains in every church.
SOOOOO…..
Mike, many of these things I have struggled with most of my life. Much did not make sense to me, although I refused to admit it, even to myself. I was afraid to question, and say how I really feel. So, I gave in to the typical evangelical ideology, becasue that was all I knew, and I figured I had no choice to accept it. So I buried my struggles deep down, and it was only in the last few years that I have started to embrace who I really am. This is me Mike. If you are wondering where Kellie is in all this, I can assure you we are on the same page. I have gained a new appreciation for social acceptace and human kindness, and also the spiritual nature of all things. For instance I fully embrace social equality for all, such as LGBT, and I vote that way politically as well. I finally feel truly free and at peace with myself and with others. I realize you are going to want to pray for me, correct me, maybe even chastise me. I know you may say I am just in pain and need time to heal. And I know all the arguments you could poise, and the lingo, but I reject all of them. So, please accept the fact that this will not change. I am still your friend, and always will be. I hope that you will feel the same way.
I hope to hear from you.
Charles”
Excellent response. Almost written like a church mission statement. LOL!
Can I cut & paste this?!
Way to go!!!!Absolutley Sara, please do. Thanks!
The way you compartmentalized things made things a lot easier for me to understand and any one else who may be reading this and anyone you would be discussing these things.
I think the start of my opening up to the world will be really getting down to the nitty gritty of what exactly I believe.
Wow Charles. Awesome response!! Love it. You took a risk and put it all out there. Very inspiring. I almost want to paste this as my religious status on FB.
Yeah! What you said, and what everyone above said. I have never read a more clearly articulated expression of what I personally have come to believe. This is such a forthright, honest, courageous response to your friend. Bravo! I hope that it will lead to many constructive conversations between the two of you.
AnonymousGreat response. You sound like a Pastor or something
AnonymousI hope you share the response you get back from your friend. I truly hope its a positive one. Blessings!
Thank you so much everyone. Well, it went over like a shit storm, as I figured it might. The thing that pissed me off is that he assumed Kellie had led me astray. WTF! Always blaming it on the woman. As if I women are all evil, and men don’t have the balls to do anything except follow along. Typical evangelical shit. Here are the responses from my facebook message.
FRIEND – So, out of curiousity. When was Kellie on this page?
For quite a while now actually.
FRIEND – Before you?
About the same time why? Figure I’ve been given an apple by Eve? Har har.
FRIEND – Shoot straight with me. Were these the issues the ladies at the church in Strathmore had with Kellie? I mean she posted some stuff since before that time that raised my eyebrows, and I would expect you to defend your wife. That is a reasonable response.
Oh no. They just took issue with what they deemed was an obsession with healthy eating. I would tell you if it was her theology they had a problem with.
FRIEND – I’ve had the feeling in the pit of my stomach that you have not been the one leading spiritually, and I have been very hesitant to say it because I can’t envision a way to say it that would not sound unkind. You spent way too long preparing for ministry for your about face to make much sense to me any other way. I realize it doesn’t need to make sense to me for it to confirm your reality, but as your friend I agonize over watching this.
I figured by your questions above that you were assuming Kellie was to blame. But the reality is just the opposite no matter what you think. My views are completely my own. In fact most of the stuff, especially regarding hell, I made up my mind about before she did. I understand the propensity to blame the woman though.
FRIEND –
You didn’t arrive at them before finishing seminary?
I was beginning to yes. Much of it I struggled with even before I ever came to Phoenix. I was just afraid of the repercussions, so I just buried it and accepted the party line.
FRIEND –
So what made you choose Southwestern?
I seriously wanted the deep seated beliefs to go away or be changed, because I knew the result. I really did feel at the time I was “called” so to speak. Regarding your earlier comment about the time and money spent. No one regrets that more than I, except for all the great relationships I made there.
Just to clarify more, Kellie only started down this road a few months ago.
Wow.
I missed all this when you posted it originally, so first of all want to say how brilliant your initial email response was! It’s also, pretty much exactly, where I’m at with things and I found it personally very affirming. I was also going to ask you if I could cut and paste… Although I’m not sure if, or where, I’ll share it yet…
Your friend’s response is outrageous though. Just breathtaking! If, in the future, my husband works things through and ends up in a similar place to me (which hasn’t happened yet and doesn’t seem likely to happen, but if it does) then I would expect people to respect each of us as individuals and both of us together… The idea that people might take your friend’s attitude is startling. I hope he accepts what you’ve said and stops blaming Kellie (which is downright insulting to both of you, frankly!) but the fact he ever jumped to those conclusions makes my blood boil!
Thanks so much Arciemme. I also hope that he will move past the childish ridicule and assumptions and accept us. However, I have the feeling that it may end up just the opposite. We shall see if this friendship was build on something solid, or if it shatters at the slightest hint of diverging paths.
Wow. In this situation one would expect a little of this, but not the blaming your wife part. Ugh! It’s disrespectful to you both.
You are my hero, Charles!
Great response! I’ve “come out” to my wife in a general way but not to anyone else. I sense this winter I will start. @arciemme I think my wife is at a similar place that @hippiexpastor was at many years ago so im just trying to be patient and wait it out for when she is ready to talk.
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