This topic contains 8 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by 
David Hayward 1 year, 5 months ago.
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Hi, I’m Tim and I’m new to TLS.
I’m Australian, I work with computers, but I don’t trust them, particularly not today. (David can tell you why…)
I like Jesus, and I really like community, but I’ve found it hard depending on just one church. So I’m currently looking for some more diverse communities to be a part of.
I like questions, so feel free to ask. I can be obnoxious, sometimes without realising it. Just let me know and I’ll work out where I went wrong.
I can also be subversive, but maybe I won’t win that contest here. (Did I tell you I’m also competitive?)
Anyway, I really don’t know what happens next, so enlighten me…
And I really don’t know where to start my story, so feel free to ask about that, too!
Hi Tim!
Fellow Aussie here, and also work in computers, but spiritually quite the opposite. I’m still loyal to a specific church, but I am now more Wiccan than Christian.
I’m also a writer and understand why telling one’s story can be difficult. Was there a specific event which made you realize you wanted more than one spiritual community?
Wade.
Hi Wade,
Where are you from? I live in the ACT (which, for those of you from the USA, is similar to your DC).
And for everyone – the specific events that convinced me…
I moved on from a church in my home town when I went to university (college) in another city. I maintained a great many friendships.
I went to one church for around 3 years, I left, I maintained one friendship at my instigation. I maintained more friendships from my mixed-background faith/friendship group at university.
I went to another church for around 2 years, I left, I maintained two, maybe three friendships, one of which felt like the other person a took the initiative to contact me often (and still does).
I went to another church for around 2 years, I left, I maintained no friendships, well, maybe one, who was my housemate.
I went to another church for around 4 years, served in various kinds of ministry, took a break for 18 months, and now I’m left with one person who takes the initiative to contact me. (A few will do so with prompting.)
Each time, leaving was a difficult experience, sometimes terrible, sometimes just sad. (I could talk about my reasons for leaving, and how I feel about them, but that isn’t really the point.)
But, even more soul-destroying than leaving itself, was the loneliness and the feeling that my world was falling apart: simply because people treated me differently when I wasn’t attending an event every week.
At this point, I realised that I needed to do something about this pattern. And, while I most likely contributed to the pattern, so did the communities I chose to become a part of.
I made a decision to evaluate communities by their treatment of outsiders, and by their initiative to maintain friendships. I’m sure I have a few other criteria as well.
And I now want to be a part of a network of different communities (to borrow a phrase from IT – a “fault-tolerant mesh”) where a single decision or failure can’t bring the whole thing crashing down, and my faith and sense of self with it. (Ok, that was probably a little melodramatic – but that was sometimes how it felt!)
I’m looking to become part of a few diverse communities, because, that way, my faith doesn’t rely on just one group.
Welcome to the group Tim. I haven’t really been a part of a formal church in a very long time, but I do understand how you feel about the contact thing. I have used the internet to reconnect to friends from the past. They aren’t like they were when we first knew each other, but how could they be, I’ve changed whether they have or not. It won’t be the same. I enjoy making new friends on line in groups like this. I’m kinda knew here myself. Hope you find comfort and rest here. Hope you find adventure and new ideas.
Hi Wade, I also identify with what you wrote in your post http://thelefthandofbelief.wordpress.com/2013/05/09/friends-and-church/
It seems like a number of people have a similar experience of friendships which don’t persist outside of church.
I’m a Sydney-sider.
I’ve found a couple of spiritual communities beyond just my church, and beyond TLS, of course. I have a few friends I can spend individual time with and share most anything. One of those used to go to my church, as it happens, but she also spent 6 months in Thailand and that and other things has helped her see the church from outside it.
I’ve also cultivated a few other groups of friends, like my writers’ group. It is this one that helped show me what truly unconditional friendship looks like.
Wade.
“It seems like a number of people have a similar experience of friendships which don’t persist outside of church.”
Indeed. Other than being facebook “friends” with a lot of people I used to go to church with, they have all pretty much vanished from my life. For me it may have been a different case: I began wrestling (very openly so) with some of the doctrines I was brought up to believe and not so surprisingly, that’s not something the community blessed. Whatever the reason for friendships failing, it definitely sucks.
However, welcome to the group tim! Enjoy your stay
Oh my the friends I used to have almost all disappeared when I left the church. Some suddenly, some gradually. I had to learn to make and appreciate new friends.
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