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When I first started having major doubts about my beliefs a few years ago, I was extremely vocal about it for some reason. I created a blog and used my facebook as megaphones to everyone I knew about my doubts and how my beliefs were changing (which at the time could be easily categorized as Christian Universalism). Everyday I was saying something controversial and having heated debates on facebook, forums and a lot of “sit downs” with family, friends and other church members. I even went as far as planting controversial pamphlets around church and interjecting the toughest of questions at “new Christian” or “alpha” classes. I’m still not exactly sure why this was, considering my shy personality, but I guess I felt like a man with a mission.
Fast forward to now, and I’m not nearly that vocal. I avoid all religious conversation except for with a select few and, of course, you lovely folks here on this site. Again, I’m not entirely sure of the reasons for the change but aside from growing tired of debates, I think I’m actually afraid of disrupting other peoples faith. Even though I think it’s healthy to question and seek answers beyond your comfortable theological box, I know what it’s like to feel like you have it all (or most of it) figured out. I know what it’s like to feel like all of lifes answers are conveniently packed into a single book. I know what it’s like to be deeply immersed in the christian community and culture and the comfort it CAN bring at times. And I’ve lost many friends and the respect of family members as a result of me being vocal, which I think is mostly their issue not mine, but it can be painful still.
I guess you could say that, in a sense, I’m afraid of trampling on the joy some people find in their illusions and therefore putting them in the painful position of finding life and meaning outside of them.
What do you think? Is it’s good or bad to be vocal about doubt? Somewhere in between? Should we be mindful of how our doubts affect people?
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This topic was modified 2 years ago by
SavageSoto.
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This topic was modified 2 years ago by
David Hayward.
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This topic was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by David Hayward.
Savage you might be asking the wrong guy! Express on! I think it is needed to help normalize and validate the pervasive reality of doubt and for it not to be seen as a strange anomaly.
AnonymousI think it depends if you are reflecting your own doubt, or if you are telling me that I SHOULD be feeling doubt? I own my own doubts and feelings, and respect the position/s where other are people are at, but I resent it if someone is telling how how I should be thinking or feeling. Does that make sense?
AnonymousI think you have to choose your battles.
Most of my family members and friends are Evangelical Christians and regular church goers, and I already know they will NOT understand where I’m coming from at all, so I plan on saying as little as possible about leaving the church, my doubts and my new theological/political viewpoints. It would only be like throwing grease on a fire. I’m not interested in arguing and debating and having other people make it their mission to drag me back into the fold.
If anyone asks me what I believe and they sincerely want to know (as opposed to just wanting to debate theology and belittle my viewpoint), then I will be happy to explain where I’m coming from.
I only have a couple friends I can do that with, so I really treasure all you guys and the freedom we enjoy sharing various viewpoints but still accepting one another!
Anonymousp.s. Perhaps you were so vocal in the beginning because that was your way of solidifying and validating your new viewpoints. Or you had been around church toxicity for so long and were so fed up with it, that you just HAD to be that vocal about it. That’s OK.
But now that you are more grounded in what you believe and don’t believe, and you are considering how your being so vocal could affect other people, it sounds like you have gotten all the mileage you needed to get out of being so vocal.
Since you know how church people are and how they think, you can appreciate the fact that legalistic Christians are for the most part incapable of comprehending or being open to theological/political viewpoints other than their own narrow-minded beliefs. It is too much of a threat to the Christian subculture environment they eat, live, and breathe 24/7. Since that’s the case, it’s probably the more compassionate thing to do not to rock their boat.
Honesty is good, and no one should be apologising for where they are.
As a preacher, though, I am wary of cutting off the branch other people are sitting on; the task isn’t about undermining people, but encouraging them to grow by asking their own questions.
Of course I’m a different culture from most of you – the Christian culture most of you describe is the rigid fundamentalism that horrifies and repels me (and most people), and here in the UK, Christians are a powerless minority anyway. But I progressed quite naturally and gently from the loving fundamentalism of my youth to a more liberal version, just by wider reading, studying church history, the development of doctrine and thinking. It wasn’t the major rebellion some of you are describing.
So where I challenge a traditional point of view – creationism or belief in demons, for example – I try to make my case without attacking or ridiculing other points of view. I’m comfortable with not having definite answers to everything; not sure if that’s properly called ‘doubt’ or just losing the fundamentalist arrogance (not implying that all fundamentalists are arrogant).
Savage – I agree with Jo – I think you needed to vocalize and express yourself openly because you were growing yourself – you were asking the questions out loud that you needed answering and now that you are more secure in your understanding you are more quiet about it. I wouldn’t be concerned at all.
It is rather merciful to let people live in their little boxes where they find complete joy and comfort. I’m not sure that everyone can walk this journey without losing their minds. There are some that will find relief from being cut free from the box, but they will find themselves to you or someone else who at the right time can share what you’ve learned.
As for you our dear friend David – you are called to what you are doing… no doubt in my mind. You are specially equipped for this purpose…
Ruth Anne: you’re right, some people like being in their box, who are we to tear it apart? There are those who think it’s actually dangerous to question their boundaries, their eternal wellbeing is at risk, and some people have pastors and preachers who reinforce that every week.
I try to encourage people to love God with their minds (use them), and not be afraid of the difficult questions. Fortunately I’m in a church that has room for this approach, but there are challenges now and then to offer people more certainty, not endless questions.
I suppose the questions people are most afraid of are around God, whether the God they have been taught about is really there and really like that (usually not), and I find the apophatic approach very helpful here.
“Perhaps you were so vocal in the beginning because that was your way of solidifying and validating your new viewpoints.”
That’s quite possible. I hadn’t looked at it that way before.
I think there are two kinds of people: those that are happy with their beliefs and those that aren’t. Those that aren’t will eventually look for other beliefs and that’s where those who are vocal (like David) play a helpful role. This isn’t to say those that are happy in their beliefs should not be challenged to think outside of them from time to time but it’s something that has to be done very cautiously. It has to be done cautiously because, at the end of the day, it’s not just ideas that were talking about…we’re talking about pieces of our very identities.
Someone realizing (for example) that there is not, or even that there MAY not, be a personal god watching over them with a perfect plan or realizing that they don’t really know anything about this god can be devastating to how they view themselves.
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This reply was modified 2 years ago by
I remember having a conversation with a very devout Catholic and someone saying that the doctrine of purgatory had basically been invented to answer questions of the time. He was very shocked; it made me realise the pastoral responsibility, that if you’re going to start critiquing what other people believe you have to be prepared to be there to support them through what comes next. If you’re not prepared to be that support, then leave well alone!
This for me is a very important topic. As someone who spent nearly 20 years as a member of what we KNEW (!) as the one true church (because nobody else kept the Sabbath and the biblical Holy Days properly) I know what it is like to express one’s beliefs and be rejected (understandably). After being drawn away from that environment into a wilderness experience lasting many years I now have a view of the Christian faith that is certainly ‘unconventional’. I have learned much from asking questions but I’ve also found myself in the position on a number of occasions of asking questions that people are not ready to consider.
From this I’ve learned that there is a time and a place to ask those awkward questions. This is a concern that I expressed to David before introducing myself on the site. After looking through some of the posts here I sensed that this really is a ‘safe haven’ where I can openly share some of the awkward questions that I have been asking for more than 50 years.
As an older person I know that the majority of older people attending churches will be unhappy with the changes that are seen to be taking place. They need their own comfort zones. I know from my contacts with the out of church Christians that goes back to 2003 that many clergy (I came from an Anglican background) have their doubts – are thinking outside the box – but sometimes use the need to support the ‘flock’ as a reason for staying .
The transition to non-believer from believer has had its painful moments. There were times when I was forced to look straight into the abyss of despair. These were overwhelming. But I have learned that I won’t grow in my comfort zone. True growth only occurs when I have been forced to see that I have no control and in the great universe my little ego means nothing. And the more I try to make my ego large the more it kicks my ass.
These moments have highlighted my immaturity and forced me to grow up and live in a much more authentic space. It is a space I would have chosen if I could have understood what it was before. There are no short cuts. This journey involves risk and when I got to the other side I realized that the risk was an illusion.
This has helped me understand that the place I am the most fearful of going is exactly where I need to go.
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