This topic contains 7 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by 
Rob Lentz 1 year, 4 months ago.
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Still learning my way around how the site works…had shared this the other day, but not as a forum entry. can you relate? A colleague of mine had 2 Corinthians 3:17 ”Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom” on the back of his hoody today. In my worship leading days I used to love the song by Darrell Evans built around that verse. It makes a great lyric. It makes a great pep song. But today, it struck me how my (former) church life was so rigid and definitely NOT freedom filled. Life used to be full of a lot of rules: dont read that book, don’t have those thoughts/questions, don’t listen to that preacher, etc. I joked to a friend the other day that I no longer have a banned book list. And it is so freeing! I can read them all. I can judge them by the weight of their argument. I can even ”lean on my own understanding” – heresy! So, I have. I’ve read Ehrman. I’ve read Bell. And Borg. And Spong. And I will have my own thoughts, thank you very much. My voice used to be welcome, and my talents too (as a worship leader and lay speaker) – but not once I began to be honest about my doubts and my difficulties (i.e. with a literal reading of the bible, and theodicy, and dogmas (like eternal torment, etc) – I was no longer valuable to the institution. That was painful. So, yeah, there it is. And its out, and its done, and from the other side now I know I couldn’t go back. But it is a lonesome way that we travel now. It is so sweet to stumble upon someone who doesn’t look back at me as if I were crazy. Now I understand the wisdom of not speaking about politics or religion – they can be such divisive topics because the rhetoric is: a) you’re with me, or b) you’re evil. Such a shame! :-\ So if there is freedom where the spirit of the lord is, then I think TLS is where the spirit is. Peace to all you who know too well what I’m speaking of.
@Rob Lentz, well said. Welcome.
@starfielder…thanks, glad to be here.
I understand the “rules list” problem. I was so used to Church teaching being peppered with list of “you should” and “you shouldn’t” that it took me years to even see them. When I finally realized it, I called it Christian Guilt. And decided I didn’t need it.
Since then, I’ve begun very gently challenging people about what they think they believe. For instance, the senior pastor knows I think the church neglects teachings of other early church fathers and teachings about where the Bible texts come from.
Wade.
Thanks for this post @rmlentz… great way to describe it.
You are definitly speaking truth here….in my experience, my church felt like freedom, and what they taught was what I thought WAS real freedom…until I began wondering what was real and what was true and only got the “wait on the Lord” kind of answers to my questions. And when I went to my pastor for help I was met with the same nonresponsiveness….a bunch of vague statements that didn’t help at all. Not that I expected solid answers, I understand people and their fallability, but saying “I don’t know” is sometimes the best thing someone can say.” I don’t know” is real and honest. Now, when I go to.church or see church people I notice they have fear in their eyes. They’re actually afraid of me…a woman they have known for 8 years and have had a hand in raising her children. Now I am a threat somehow….all because I questioned and made some difficult descisions that don’t make them feel comfortable. It was shocking to me to realize my community was just as judgemental and political as all the other churches/religious groups out there…it is a shame. And it is very very lonely on the outside…but I believe the Spirit leads and has led me here…it is a sweet thing to find people who aren’t going to be afraid of the struggle and who won’t treat me like a threat.
r
I like to think of a gravity analogy to the loneliness of leaving the church.
Consider spending a lot of time in a weightless environment (for example in space or floating in water). While in this weightless environment, you can be happy and not even think about gravity. Your body adapts to the weightless environment and your muscles atrophy. Then imagine coming back to where you must support your own weight due to gravity. It is hard at first. Your muscles are not used to it. You have great awareness of gravity and you initially suffer. But over time, your muscles strengthen and you find gravity not so much of a hindrance. You eventually get to the point where you can be happy and not even think about gravity.
@Jeff Prideaux – love the analogy.
@Laura Taylor – “I notice they have fear in their eyes” – TOTALLY. That hit me right between the eyes. I, too, have finally realized that Fear and Shame are the primary motivations in my former church life. Only, I never realized it while in there – weird. Only after I, too, questioned eternal conscious torment. For me it was a loose thread, that once pulled quickly led me to question other dogmas and pretty soon the whole sweater was lying in a heap at my feet.
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