This topic contains 12 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by 
Ren 1 year, 8 months ago.
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Me and my family have never gotten along…and with the personal things that I will one day have to tell them (being bi & being trans…) I’ve been contemplating never speaking to them again for fear of losing them anyway…
But, my dad, like me, watch msnbc opinion pieces… and tonight he was watching one about Sen. Rob Portman and his son.. (story here… just found a random link…)
in response to the story, I said that it shouldn’t take personal experience in a matter for him to change his mind. as a lawmaker he should have enough empathy to listen to his constituency and the experiences of others–which he no doubt has already been told, being a senator– and make such a decision on his own. Without that ability, he is not an effective lawmaker.
My dad… AGREED!!!!
He said that it’s good that he and his son can move forward, but ultimately, he’s not fit to be a lawmaker. Also (and my dad is a staunch agnostic going on atheist) he said that as long as people base their political policies on their religious beliefs without considering the viewpoints of others who don’t believe quite like he does, “the world is still flat”.
I don’t agree that religion is bad… but I do say that if your job is to represent people of different viewpoints, then you should do that. You should not stick to one thing because of your religion. You are free to do that in your personal life, but not when governing the lives of millions of different people.
I think my dad is in support of gay marriage and gays in general.
Perhaps my dad is an ally?
This doesn’t change the fact I’m still scared of saying anything to him. >.>
AnonymousYou are so real. Thanks.
>///> Thank you… seriously, I’m terrible at making things sound more …erm… *tries to think of a word* … vanilla? XD
It’s partly why I don’t work retail or customer service anymore .. *laughs*
good story ren!! keep them coming!
Anonymous
Hi Ren –I feel such sadness over your statement: “I’ve been contemplating never speaking to them again for fear of losing them anyway.” Maybe that stems from my not having a relationship with either of my parents for a very different reason (both are sexual abusers in complete denial). I don’t know.
I realize you are in a very difficult position, and I can appreciate your fear of broaching the subject with your parents – but seeing as how your dad’s reaction about the senator being pro-gay surprised you, maybe you would be pleasantly surprised by his reaction if you told him the truth about your own sexuality???
I know that is scary as hell, but I just keep thinking what do you have to lose? Can you really walk away from them forever based on an assumption that they will reject you? It seems to me like you might as well go for the whole enchilada and find out for sure. Maybe your dad’s reaction will surprise you. And if it is what you expected, then you can at least walk away not having to wonder “what if” I had told them for the rest of your life. Hope that makes sense.
It certainly does. However, my family is very traditional… all of them.
I told my mom I was bi when I was 21… well.. she didn’t react very well (6 hours of screaming) , so I never told my dad.
Sexuality is always a touchy topic(heck sex in general is!) But gender…
I have found that discussing gender identity with people confuses them, makes them angry… etc.. on very personal levels. Not so much to do with religion, but the essence of being who one is.
So, if sexuality is gonna upset someone, then gender is guaranteed.
What’s more, I’ve been in a situation for a long time now where it would be better to be out of the house at last, but I can never manage it. Emotionally, they are very dangerous for me, and that is something even my psyc has said. However, we do have our good times, but they are few.
Eventually, I will have to make a decision about surgery and my name. I don’t want to make my entire family leave me out any more than they already do. They already think the worst of me. I have no idea why.
I’m not sure i could handle it if I tried one more time to be honest about who I am and my feelings about things and be rejected for the last and biggest time ever. I have no place to go and even though I have survived a lot, I’ve discovered in December that I have no more emotional reserves with them. I’m liable to break down crying in front of them before I can keep my cool, any longer.
It’s not set in stone. I just have no idea what to do.
AnonymousRen – I didn’t realize you were still living at home. That definitely complicates the whole situation. I have no answers but please know my heart goes out to you!
AnonymousJust read this poem/prayer on Ronna Detrick’s blog and immediately thought of you, Ren. Hope it brings you some encouragement, comfort and hope!
A Prayer
Refuse to fall down
If you cannot refuse to fall down,
refuse to stay down.
If you cannot refuse to stay down,
lift your heart toward heaven,
and like a hungry beggar,
ask that it be filled.
You may be pushed down.
You may be kept from rising.
But no one can keep you from lifting your heart
toward heaven
only you.
It is in the middle of misery
that so much becomes clear.
The one who says nothing good
came of this,
is not yet listening.~ Clarissa Pinkola Estes, from The Faithful Gardener: A Wise Tale About That Which Can Never Die
Hey @ronna is a member of TLS!! kewl!
AnonymousI know! I found out about Ronna’s blog from a fellow TLSer’s post (can’t remember which one), and I absolutely LOVE reading and pondering Ronna’s thoughts, which she so beautifully expresses through her writing.
I highly recommend her blog which can be found at:RonnaDetrick.com
Wow Ren, sounds like you have a wise ‘psyc!’ Keep sharing your story with us please… and listen to your psych if they are saying, “Emotionally, they are very dangerous for me,” Given you have that info, what does your ‘psyc’ suggest you do?
Ooooooh. So honored to be mentioned in the mix of all this! Thank you! Always wishing I could figure out how to spend more time in the midst of these deep, rich conversations. Intention.Grace. Intention. Grace. Thanks – both David and Jo!
Well, of course, he thinks I should leave, and doesn’t think I can begin healing until that happens. He also suggest I live by myself for a few different reasons… but I’ve been scouring for a way to do that for years.
As it stands, it’s impossible as I can’t make enough money on my own due to a disability I havet hat limits my ability to do anything physical for very long. My long distance girlfriend in California has offered me a place to live with her, but we have decided due to a number of things to wait until about July of next year. So I’m just here, still…
It’s hard and anything could happen between now and then, but I’m hoping that this time I will have a chance to actually seek health.
You wouldn’t believe how many months I’ve poured and almost literally salivated over information about tiny houses on wheels, just DREAMING of having my own little space…. I’ve been tempted to see if I can somehow gather volunteers willing to help me build one nd perhaps pay them in art, or something, but I have no way to house them
I just don’t’ have the means.. >.<
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