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Does anyone here hang out with other pastors? I used to all the time when I was in ministry. When I left I was dropped like a hot-potato. I have a good friend who used to be my assistant pastor. We still hang out. But that’s it. What about you?
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This topic was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by
David Hayward.
Hanging out with pastors is tricky business. As a pastor I was critical of people who chose not to go all in on the church thing. I have found hanging with Christians/pastors fairly uncomfortable. “It’s not you, it’s me.”
I stay loosely connected with a friend from undergrad who continues planting churches in a neighboring state. Another buddy–from the life I used to live–is a missionary. We see them about once every 2 years. In short, no. I don’t hang out with pastors. Generally, there seems to be a fairly large gap between the church haves and have nots.
yes jeff… i know all about that “gap”.
AnonymousAbout 9 years ago, war broke out in the country where we lived and many of my friends (pastors) were dispersed around the world. There are a few friends that I still connect with but sadly, the times are rare. My closest pastor friends have all returned to the US and I do miss them. They are not part of my specific ‘church’ and have listened and understood my questions and share some of those thoughts as well. I am thankful for their listening ears and understanding hearts. The local community/church leaders which we were a part of, dropped us and we don’t have any desire to be part of them. So mostly, we hang out with the communities in which we work and volunteer. I like that!
We don’t… but then again, we don’t hang out with anyone. I suppose if we were “hanging” with pastors tho, they’d want to talk about church and we don’t have much to talk about in that venue right now… Altho come to think of it – pretty much our whole families are in ministry so I guess we do…. but we are vague…. We live in the “closet” so to speak…. It would just upset my folks and there is no need to do that….
The staff at the large church I was a part of was supposed to be ‘family.’ When they let me go they ceased to be. Even my brother, who is still a pastor at that church, recently told me that because of the tension of where I am at in my journey and what I choose to write about that he’d rather just have me as a brother at holiday gatherings than someone he feels safe to converse with about church issues.
All of the other pastors at the church make nice gestures to me about ‘doing coffee’ but none of them ever actually make it a reality.
One of the pastors there, is one of my best friends. We still hang out, talk in depth, and journey through this church bullshit together. I often think he is going to get in trouble for hanging out with me or commenting on my writing because he does it often and publicly.
I hang out with other pastors as well, but usually they are the ones who are jealous of my new found freedom and look forward to having someone to have honest conversations with.
i make pastors today feel uneasy with my new beliefe of universalism
I hang out occasionally with others…but almost all from churches that aren’t the one I left. Mostly, I hang out with some very spiritual people who are either not Christian or don’t like church. I am learning a lot from these people about worship.
Chad…”All of the other pastors at the church make nice gestures to me about ‘doing coffee’ but none of them ever actually make it a reality.”…me too
Jason….i think i may be the uncomfortable one because there is so much to say on my new journey, i am never sure where to start, especially with limited time.
AnonymousNot unless I have to. I find it uncomfortable, and it’s like we’re speaking different languages. Then there’s always the one who asks “who would like to ask the blessing?” while I’m already stuffing my face with food. I find a lot of pastors judgemental. And I have my own issues with trust and whatnot.
Most of my friends are outside of the church.
AnonymousABSOLUTELY NOT. I grew up in the Church as a pastor’s kid, and when we had pastors over, all they talked was Church. Same thing when I was a pastor. The world of Church becomes everything. I lived in my own Church World. When I handed in my orders, I lost friends. They just distanced themselves– people I considered as family. They just wouldn’t answer my emails, dropped me from Facebook. One of my seminary professors was honest enough to tell me he couldn’t understandd why or how anyone could leave the UMC. We’re not as close. I have ONE pastor friend, who was significant in my faith journey since I was at summer camp, and who was the closest thing to a father OR a pastor that I’ve had. He admits he doesn’t understand, but he also knows everything I’ve been through in the Church and admits he had it easy compared to me, so he’s supportive. He’s half a country away, so our friendship has always been mostly through correspondence, and maybe that helps. We’ve been friends 33 years, and losing that would be devastating. The others make me sad, but I also see how narrow their lives are. You don’t see that until you’re out.
Peg, yes, it sucks. People I spent years working along side, being in “community” with accused me of “isolating” myself. All I did was find some other interests. I wanted to talk about something other than church. I wanted hobbies. I wanted more.
Now I have more, but the silence of those I was with along the way is very sad to me. I have other friends and newer community but WOW I didn’t know how narrow my own life was until I was out here.
I met up with one of my pastor friends the other day for coffee. We had lots to catch up on, but it was fun when we got to the area of theology. He has had some shifts in his belief system and now has to be wary of the way he talks about these issues in his denomination. I like seeing the cracks in his shell. I also like that he values our friendship enough to share them with me.
I know we are all in various stages of healing and brokenness, but I wanted to encourage those of you who can to keep the discussions going with the pastors in our past (though these may not be the same pastors who have hurt us). While many of us may not need the culturally accepted role of pastor in our lives anymore, it may be very possible that these pastors now need us.
Same as you David… Back in the day all I did was hang out with other pastors and church leadership… When I got my Scarlet H… well i guess I didnt make the grade anymore… lol
Peace
ya. very strange. and if i ever run into them, which is rarely, they don’t even bother to say, “We should do coffee sometime.” LOL. And if I suggest it, blank stare.
LOL! Had the exact same experience… Hey we should get together sometime… … … crickets…
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This topic was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by
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