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AnonymousI don’t write this for pity but just to vent. we are really bad off financially right now. We never had a ton of money, but we used to have a good size savings and my husband’s job as a pastor was decent enough to pay the bills and allow for some fun activities, sports, etc. I know it was our choice to leave the church and leave the salary behind us. It’s worth it to avoid the stress, but now it’s a new kind of stress because my husband’s job doesn’t pay the bills and I only have a handful of health coaching clients as I work on growing my business. Anyway, it’s different now that we no longer really pray or trust God. My Christian friends would just remind me how God provides and to put our faith in him… or that God is all we need. Rolling eyes… so God doesn’t care about us getting to eat or have electricity, or even gas to take the kids to school, because “he is all we need.” Ugh… what is your thought process now regarding financial stuff if you no longer pray about it? Other than being proactive about finding a job, of course. Also, I’ve tried the whole Law Of Attraction thing and it doesn’t really work for me. I do have a photo of money on my vision board. I’m starting to wonder if this stuff even works. I hate to sound cynical though. I know this post alludes to many things at once. Thanks for hearing me out. Charles keeps looking for better paying jobs, even if it means we have to move. And my situation is kinda difficult because i can’ rely on my parents to watch the kids, plus I don’t really have much job experience. I do have clients on two days out of the week so it would need to be a more flexible job. Okay… vent over.
ack! It’s a terrible place to be in! I’m not sure about the prayer thing and I’m so not into prosperity praying. I know there are many folks on TLS who know financial hardship. I for one wish there was a magic bullet or magic prayer. We got ourselves out of the financial hole by just plain working our way out of it. It sucked.
I’m sure our situations are different, but when we regained control of my schedule (church activities/responsibilities) and finances (tithes) we were able to begin to put things together better financially speaking. I think the constant busy-ness of church activities/responsibilities (I was very involved as a leader) is a huge distraction. I miss some of it, admittedly – it wasn’t ALL work, after all (we had a lot of fun). The best thing that we lost? Guilt and expectations. I think we’ve gained balance in the process. We have charitable events we participate in and we give when and where we can – but we never feel like “we’re not doing/giving enough”, etc. While I may not say a prayer for you, Kellie and Charles, I believe in you and your ability to get through it and figure out the solution to your unique financial situation.
@starfielder – I can relate. We had dug a pretty good hole for ourselves. Took a few years, a lot of tears (we lost a house (and some ego) in the process) and some hard work, but we’re better off for it now. Losing the house – SUCKED – and its a long story. But now, on certain days, I see it as a blessing. I think one of the things that praying/expecting God to intervene all the time does is lull us into waiting for god’s best when her “good enough” would get the ball rolling. When we’re no longer expecting anything from the heavens, it seems like our creativity awakens. There definitely is NO MAGIC BULLET/PRAYER, and each person/family/situation is different – so everyone will have to find what works for them. Below are some things that worked for us, I’m no financial genius by any means, but after a couple of years of finding our system (what works for us) we’re much happier, financially.
One thing we did was go to an all-cash envelope system. On payday, my wife would have the bills all figured (we used a simple excel spreadsheet we made) – with payments to be made through online bill pay (no more buying checks, envelopes or stamps). Then she would pull out the gas, grocery, miscellaneous, and entertainment $ for the pay period and stick it in the appropriate envelope. Oh, and she holds the money – that was huge – I’m more impulsive than my wife is. We spent our discretionary income that way – and still do. We no longer spend any time balancing a checkbook – Yay! And it is easy to tell if we have $ to do/buy a particular thing. This was life-changing for us.
The other huge thing we did was split our bills evenly in two monthly pay periods (24/year). But my paydays were every other week (26/year). So twice a year we would have an “extra” paycheck. For us this worked out to be February and August. When they roll around it’s like getting a bonus. On the bonus period our gas, grocery, miscellaneous and entertainment budget was the same as usual – but we didn’t have to pay any bills (mortgage, utilities, student loans, etc.) so it was like a holiday. We’ve used this extra $ for different things, some of it practical (debt reduction, school clothes), but we always made a point to do something fun and rewarding too – it was something we could look forward to twice a year. That helped us focus and stay on track. Early on, debt reduction was the top priority. Later, we were able to have more discretionary $ and savings.
AnonymousThanks to both of you (and I am grateful for the comments on FB as well) Rob, I like your approach. The reality is though that we don’t even have the income to pay the bills. Literally, his first pay check of the month gets wiped out from the mortgage and groceries. We are late on our bills. We are just in a transition right now because we had always had something to fall back on– savings from his inheritance, or our credit card (which can no longer afford to pay on but are glad to get rid of) and we no longer have that. I just have 4 or 5 clients a month for my job. So the main thing is to see if I can get some kind of super flexible, job that i can only work at during the school hours, and not interfere with clients, plus be something that I can do with literally no experience. I don’t ask for much.
lolI know I’ve shared this with you privately kellie. but lisa and i went through personal bankruptcy. it was the one thing in my life i greatly feared. but after having done it, it was an incredible gift. i have no regrets. we consider it our year of jubilee.
i keep feeling reassured, the more i read, the less alone we are. the fear and shame of money and its attendant issues stalk us relentlessly. especially over the past year. we went from doing ok while i worked, to moving to idaho where D worked. i stayed home with Z, and we hovered around the poverty line.
we were ok. we were ok as we moved through the years, until i started miscarrying more and more often. until i didn’t think i could do it anymore. and then we had bird. i didn’t believe we could, but she was born a living child. and our nightmare began. we fought to keep her, and our finances got worse and worse. the years she’s been alive have been the most silver-shot load of fear and struggle i’ve ever known. and this past year was even worse.
at one point my unparents decided to push me to file bankruptcy. to walk off from our house and move in with them. to be dependent. at that point i pushed back and laid lines. bird continued her health problems, and we moved. now things are different, but the financial part of the tale drags on. and we are considering bankruptcy as well.
i hate that so many journeys start with hope and run with fear through the nights, only to end with desperate financial straits. i get tired of the whole CC thing of ‘and g-d blessed me’. as if money makes them right, as if g-d only loves those with money, and gives money to those g-d loves.
Anonymouswow, Shadow, you guys have been through quite a lot. I don’t know the details, but I can’t imagine all the heart ache you have been through.yes, I hate it when people brag about how God is providing for them or blessing them. Makes me feel like something is wrong with me.
I don’t have answers but I can relate. our financial issues have been mostly from my health issues (miscarriages & foot related disability) and the multiple jobs I’ve lost as a result of those issues. we are a long way from being out of this financial sinkhole and it can often get discouraging because while we have fought to get ahead it seems it doesn’t matter what we try, something will happen to knock us down again. I’ve had to learn to find joy in the little things because the big ones seem overwhelming most days. wish I could snap my fingers and just make it all go away… for all our sakes. =/
AnonymousEmily, thanks for letting me know that you can relate. We’ve been there too as far as medical stuff goes and I understand how it seems like this just never ends. The difference for us is that we were spoiled before with money in savings (inheritance money that was invested) but we used it up pretty quickly.
@Kellie “I hate it when people brag about how God is providing for them or blessing them” – Oh yes, in all sorts of ways, not just financial. My first reaction is “that’s not divine intervention, that’s just fortuitous”, the second is “Why doesn’t God bless me?”
I have suffered from depression for the last 10+ years, which means it is very easy for me to see the bad side, not the good side. This sort of stuff does not help, because I know that I would not be able to put the positive spin on events that others do.
AnonymousI think I’ve shared our situation on the FB side, maybe here too, I can’t recall. Our story goes off the normal map with the arrival of our third child. Mark was very special, and very needy. Linda and I were running a graphic design business from home. It was immediately clear that Mark’s needs were going to compete with client needs for quite a while. I landed a job in an ad agency in downtown Toronto which scored some great money. We bought our first house and things were going swell, however with the big bucks came big stress and I began to feel trapped. Linda applied for the position of office manager at a non-profit Christian street outreach org. A year later I submitted a proposal for an employment training strategy and was hired as the Director of Employment Training. For the next decade we did this work that was supported by about 80 friends and two different churches, as well as gov’t and foundation funding. That was an adventure until I hit a wall in 08. The wall was a complex combination of donor withdrawal due to economic recession, stress at home due to Mark’s declining health and the beginning of my deconstruction. Since then I’ve been dragging my but from one Christian social venture to another as my faith evaporated. Mark passed away at Easter which ironically is when my Jesus died too. A year earlier we sold the house in Toronto and moved to the country, hoping to start a spiritual retreat based on all of our church connections. So today we have no income, a property we can’t afford , and a dream that we can’t stand behind, at least I can’t.
That’s the another thing, going through decon is a very individual process, we are not at odds, but not really on the same page either.
Today, having blown through our savings, we are now eating our equity. Before that completely runs out, we are trying to build a woodworking shop, and fix ups on the property (new deck, cabins, trails, etc). Maybe it’ll become a TLS retreat for burnt out pastors and people in the throws of deconstruction. I think that’s a growth market.
Dream on Wayne, dream on.
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