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Anonymous
This recently got posted (not by me!) on MY Facebook wall (in the form of a huge poster!):
DO NOT FOLLOW YOUR HEART. Follow the conviction of the Holy Spirit. (“The heart is deceitful above all things.” – Jer. 17:9)
It was from a gal who is “clergy” for a Christian ministry I am still involved in. I feel I MUST post a response to that, but it may also get me kicked out of that ministry. (Which would actually be a blessing in disguise for me cuz it is getting increasingly harder to try and fly under the radar as far as how different my spiritual beliefs and theology currently are. But I hate to let the team down by bailing before the October ministry weekend.)
This ministry is ecumenical (team members are from various Christian (and Catholic) denominations, and we are supposed to only focus on those beliefs/practices that we all hold in common. Therefore, we don’t do communion, baptism, altar calls, speaking in tongues, the Rosary, recite creeds, etc. I’m GOOD with that! But, I’m feeling more and more uncomfortable being around that many traditional WOG’s (Women of God) knowing I do not share many of their core beliefs.
Yet, I really believe in what this ministry does – which is to put on a weekend for women who have a loved one incarcerated, and simply pamper them and treat them like royalty. Various members give short talks throughout the weekend and we shower our guests with all kinds of tangible forms of God’s unconditional love. We don’t preach – we simply DEMONSTRATE the love of God in very meaningful ways. That is the part of this ministry that I absolutely LOVE! But I know sooner or later, I’m going to have to bail. The part I would miss is the comraderie and community that exists among the team members. Haven’t I been at this crossroads before???? DAMN!!!
Anyway, here is my tentative rebuttal to what the female pastor posted on MY FB wall. Please let me know what you think. I don’t want to come off as confrontational or angry. But I feel I cannot remain silent regarding what she posted. Here goes…
I see that quite differently. If the Spirit dwells within us, then the Spirit is in our heart, thoughts, mind, and intuition. Why would God create us with intuition, a mind that can reason, and a heart that feels many emotions if we are supposed to disregard them? Does Scripture not say to love God with all our heart and with all our mind? How are we to do that if we are taught to disregard our intuition, thoughts, feelings and emotions? That makes no sense. I am not looking for answers to these questions because I have already found my answer to these questions.
I bought into the whole “never trust your own heart, mind, or emotions” (along with NEVER QUESTION anything) concept for 50+ years and I always dutifully sought for answers externally (from Christian leaders/books/CD’s/seminars.) In retrospect, I see that only set me up to be manipulated and controlled by others and their own agendas. I have walked a very different spiritual path the last two years and I have discovered that the Spirit and the answers we are seeking are found within us – not outside of us.
What I know for sure is this: For the first time in my life I am trusting my own heart and my own mind, and I feel a much deeper connection to myself and to God. I feel more alive, less confused and a whole lot happier. I know many of my Christian friends will disagree with what I have said here, and that’s okay. I don’t wish to debate theology or doctrines with anyone, so please don’t inundate me with sermons or Scriptures. I already know all the arguments because I believed them myself for 50 years. I just felt I could not remain silent on this particular issue because it has been detrimental to my spiritual/emotional/psychological health as well as to many other Christians I know.
I have learned one very important thing: never be afraid to question anything. If it is truth it can withstand scrutiny, and if it can’t withstand scrutiny then perhaps it is not truth.
One option is to respectively suggest that the original poster give some pointers on how to differentiate or distinguish “following your own heart” from “following the Holy Spirit”. I’ve asked this very question (or made this suggestion) and it is usually answered by a laundry list of selected scripture quotes about what people should be doing. If you then ask how they came to choose those particular scripture quotes, you will probably expose your hand…
AnonymousI guess that’s the quandary – whether to expose my true beliefs now (which will no doubt create issues for the entire community) or try to hang in there and get though the Oct. weekend, and then gracefully leave. The former would definitely be in my best interest (I notice I am very depressed after team meetings and it takes me several days if not weeks to find my spiritual equilibrium and inner joy again), but is pulling out early the most loving thing to do to the team who will be left in the lurch? Probably not. If I wasn’t in such a key position this would be an easy decision to make.
Jo, I guess I’d ignore it. Delete the post. Go do the weekend and have a great time. Love on the folks! I like what you have worked out about your heart and the spirit and your faith. I like how free you sound and how free you are feeling. I mean seriously, “For the first time in my life I am trusting my own heart and my own mind, and I feel a much deeper connection to myself and to God. I feel more alive, less confused and a whole lot happier.”
Jo, if you can go to the meetings for the next couple of months and not be depressed and have to spend a lot of energy unpacking the meeting and processing it… then go enjoy the weekend. But, if the cost is too high… stop. leave. graciously tell them you just can’t do it. Hell, use what they would say, “the Lord is telling me…. blah blah blah.” I left a huge women’s study and they were furious. But I could not continue. I lead 150 women. Ugh it was hard and they wouldn’t take my “no I’m stepping down” until I said, I prayed about it and the Lord is urging me to do this. UGH!!!!!! crazy but true.
Whatever you decide, you are smart and you pay attention. I think you’ll make a choice you can do Jo! Live your life!!!!
AnonymousJeff – Good point!
Star – What you said is very insightful and helpful – thanks! You mentioned my comment “For the first time in my life I am trusting my own heart and my own mind, and I feel a much deeper connection to myself and to God. I feel more alive, less confused and a whole lot happier.” That is most true when I am not dealing with Christians, but when I have to deal with Christians on a regular basis, it evaporates pretty rapidly. At least now I know I cannot afford to make this kind of ministry commitment again in the future. Live and learn, right?
Jo, live and learn is right! How awesome that you are doing it, right?!
There are two problems with this sort of quote. I have really struggled to understand what is really being said here, and why this is wrong. These are my thoughts – which might be un-formed or wrong.1. The first problem I have with this is to that “listen to the Holy Spirit” is a very nebulous and difficult thing to do. What does it mean? How do you “Listen to the spirit” and be certain that it is God not something else – your lunch, your lack of lunch, whatever. How can you listen to the HS, without accepting that he is in you and a part of you, and so will speak through your emotions, your mind, your feelings. This is HOW he speaks, although that does not mean that all of our thoughts and feelings are God speaking. Hearing the HS is a difficult thing.
Of course, what they so often mean is that X is the voice of the HS, and so you should listen to him/her. If you are being told to listen the HS, this usually means some version of “I think you should do this”.
2. The second problem is the other way round, that following your heart – following the things that drive you and empassion you – is important. Trusting what you know and understand – at least once you have learned and grown in spirituality. For those on TLS, who have found a need to go our own way, trusting in what we believe and understand is the only way.
The alternative is to say “your feelings and thoughts are wrong and meaningless, this is what you should do”. That is arrogant, and controlling.
You do realize, don’t you, that not many people can say, or feel they are allowed to say, “For the first time in my life I am trusting my own heart and my own mind”. I applaud thee.
AnonymousThanks David!
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