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I need some advice. We live in an area where there are a lot of mormons. It’s turning out that my kids close friends, middle school and high school, are mormons. My kids like the mormon kids because they are polite and aren’t doing drugs and having wild crazy sex with each other and boozing it up. (as far as my kids know!)
But, here’s the catch.. does anyone have any pointers in parenting my kids through this phase? I don’t mind the mormon kids. They are pretty good kids except that I have a strong aversion to mormonism. It’s so controlling and black and white and I could make a whole list of what is wrong with it… and the mormons are so about making converts out of everyone.
Anyone have any pointers on how do we parents talk with our kids about it?
All my love and good vibes, star…I don’t think I have any pointers. We have decided that our kids are free to choose their own religion/philosophy so long as they study it INDEPENDENTLY before they ask questions of the people that represent the group they’re interested in.
I agree, though..I’d be concerned if any of my girls were looking into getting involved with Mormonism…A friend of mine has a daughter who converted. He’s Jewish, from Israel..and he is supportive of his daughter’s choice, but there’s already been some difficult arguments in that family..TOUGH CALL!
I hope someone else has any actual advice to offer.
love,
moxie
My mom didn’t raise me in church but nominally as Christian. she got married when I was in 9th grade and we moved across the country for a year to a very Mormon populated place. The draw was both their stark contrast to the bad kids and the DANCES. They were trying to hook up 14 and 15 year Olds with their life partners. I loved it until I figured out they weren’t interested unless I was going to convert. But they never told me anything about their religion. Weird. Felt secretive. then we moved away.
I know moving isn’t a good answer, but maybe opening communication about what the draw is might be.
Thanks Moxie and Crystal. My kids aren’t drawn to mormonism. And frankly I think once the mormons find out my kids aren’t interested they will drop them like hot potatoes. Welcome to religion.
Mostly I want to have open dialogue. We already do, actually but I wondered if there was anyone else who has had these kinds of conversations… in our family we talk about all this stuff but my son was asking about it and I’m not interested in reading the book of mormon… been there and done that.
I think I’m trying to talk about religion with my kids and how different religions and cults draw people.
I find there are different flavors of mormons just like there are different flavors of muslim, jews, etc. Are these pushy mormons or laid back mormons?
I suppose you could have them watch the South Park episode about mormons. That would be a quick tutorial (albeit rude). Or read Mark Twain’s take on mormons (chapter 16 of Roughing It). But those would both be a bit one-sided (although the end of the SP episode is quite even-handed).
Thanks Vinny. I thought about taking them to see The Book of Mormon. That’s what my friend did…
The south park cartoon would be a lot cheaper!
Vinny! I had the same thought!
AnonymousHAHA! @vinny heelarious. @starfielder- that is so hard.ick. I hear @crystal. That was my experience too. I actually had a crush on a mormon guy. No joke I ended up getting a D in physics my junior year in h.s. for cheating for this guy (i did our whole group report and his individual report) apparently that was “cheating” besides the point, I guess. I even went with his family from S. Ca to Salt Lake for the Pioneer Days at BYU. It was so secretive and weird. The dances, like crystal said were a big draw. I pretty much realized that unless I converted—which btw, it was obvious that i wasn’t going to– i would never really even be someone that they saw as important– I was done! I was uber christian at the time, mind you. Funny, I would have felt the same way as an evangelical Christian about some dude that wasn’t a christian. ick to the nth power. But besides that, I never really felt like any of my mormon friends were very deep. It was like stepford wives syndrome, or something. It was bizaarre to say the least. They were nice enough and it was great to have people who weren’t doing drugs, etc. But looking back, I’m not sure who I would rather that my kids hang out with. At least the kids doing drugs were questioning things and thinking deep thoughts. IDK, really. I can only speak of my experiences. Kids will ultimately do what they want to do. I think, being a source of strength for them that you are, is the best you can do @starfielder. My parent were great because they were never “anti” mormon. They let me explore it, but ultimately I trusted that if it was that awesome, my parents would have already been privy to this info and converted themselves.
Sorry if that wasn’t helpful.
Good luck!
Ash
Ash! It’s super helpful. Ha ha ha I accidently ran half of the Pioneer Day Marathon in Salt Lake City this summer. I’m thinking that my kids will ultimately find better friends. AND you are CORRECT. They are NOT deep. In fact my kids are finding most of the mormons passive aggressive in their smiley and niceness. I think the operative word is “nice.” At our house we keep the conversations open. I posted all this because I really don’t want to be anti-mormon, I want to ask questions and have conversations about it. It is interesting to me that they have picked the rebellious mormon and the one who reads and thinks about about stuff, as their closest friends…
Star-
I am trusting that keeping the conversations open with my kids will be the best defense against the ways of the world. Given a forum for dialogue, given permission to think for oneself and some parental expectations that are firm but gracious, I hope my kids will come through it all as well. I tell mine that the rules are, “Respect yourself, respect others, be honest, be kind”. If it doesn’t fit that criteria, time to reexamine. Wish I could give you the aerosol spray that keeps the creeps away…many of the conversations here are ultimately how to navigate the world with kindness and no agenda. Hard to do with our kids.
I also agree – if kids learn to think deeply about things, they will be frustrated by shallow conversation – they will have an expectation that thoughtful consideration and complex ideas are to be welcomed and appreciated. They will begin to notice when others do not afford them that same expectation.
When my two boys were small we were still into the religion thing and they attended Seventh-Day-Adventist schools through high school. Seventh-Day-Adventist culture is similar to Mormon culture. They both have prophets that heavily influence the belief system and tend to have less dangerous teen behavoir. When I began to transition to non-belief I did what I call intellectual inoculation. Instead of teaching them what to think, I taught them how to think. We talked about what is a valid point and how the rules of reason work. I wanted them to have a rational method of determining truth and to base what they believed on real evidence and not authority. I taught them to respect authority, but you don’t have to believe everything authority says without a reason.
Both my sons have avoided the extreme fundamentalism that can take over a young person’s psyche. In fact my youngest son was an open atheist during his last two years of high school. He was actually a favorite of the religion class because he did engage with some good questions and was able to use the methods we talked about to engage in an honest way. He has a great sense of humor and got away with a lot because of that. One time they had a halloween or what they call a “harvest” party and the school outlawed any costumes that were connected with the devil or evil beings. Of course he shows up as the grim reaper. When they wouldn’t let him in, he told them he was coming as “Freshman counseling.” The teacher at the door laughed so hard he let him in anyway.
So, humor can be a great tool to help one dance the line between being honest and staying part of the community. I don’t believe they lose interest if you don’t convert, but they become afraid of being led astray. There is definitely a sense of being superior within a culture that claims to have inside information from a prophet. When that is challenged there is a huge investment in fear that instinctively rears its head.
Make them wear long underwear 24/7 for a week (after you draw weird symbols on them in marker), and tell them they would have to do that the rest of their lives…
Randy, they already mock the whole celestial kingdom of heaven with your own planet… They’ll like the whole holy underwear angle… ha ha ha ha ha
And show them Mormon bathing suit…..too young for big love. If you havgorilla explain that they don’5 go to thè highest level unless they are married and their husbands decide to càll them up..
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