PTSD?

[Sandy G.Participant]

I have come to realize over the last couple of years that I am exhibiting symptoms of PTSD, and I have known for 20+ years that certain things about my personality and the way I relate to people are often associated with sexual or emotional abuse in childhood.  However, I have no memory of overt abuse of any kind.  (I now know that my day’s anger issues undoubtedly affected me, but it wasn’t generally directed at me; just something I knew to avoid.)

So can religion itself cause cause PTSD? The expectations, the fear of an angry God, the required denial of self that leads to stuffing everything inside?

[HughParticipant]

Hi SanG, it would not take much to convince me that I suffer from a kind of PTSD. It has been over three years since I left church and lost my son and grandchildren in the process. I have become more isolated and alone and just today with my wife gone for the day to her fellowship I had the house to myself and again was overcome with thoughts about the heartache and loss, well I broke down and cried like a baby. It is a bit odd but it is like I am grieving the death of loved ones but they are still alive. I am forbidden all contact by my son’s choice so there is nothing I can do. I have to learn to live with this situation but I know I will never get over it. The faith that once sustained me through the trials of life is pretty much gone. I need a new paradigm, one that fits with critical thinking and also brings some healing. I am seeking.

[MxMagpieParticipant]

Judging by my own experiences and symptoms, I would say yes. There’s a whole culture of spiritual abuse, which David (admin) has touched on many times, and I’ve found it to be true, the results can sometimes show just the same as any other type of abuse. There was this great website about it from a psychological perspective which I’ll post here if I find it again.

I’ve got yet-to-be-defined things which I’m seeing a psychiatrist for and the more I talk through things the more I realize they relate to the doctrine and religion I grew up in. They send such mixed signals and anything positive was overridden by hate, E.G” God loves you, but you’re inherently sinful, You can’t separate the sin from the sinner, you’ll never get any better and God hates sin, so God hates you.” Being fed that since childhood… bit hard to get over.

 

[HeleneParticipant]

SanG, I think Richard recommended a book last year which I purchased, “Waking the tiger: healing trauma” by Peter A Levine. I purchased it and lent it to a friend who has suffered severe bullying experiences more than one workplace. He gave the book back last night and said it was helpful to him. Now it’s my turn to read it…

[Anonymous]

SanG – I definitely believe that religion (wielded by spiritually abusive religious leaders) is capable of producing PTSD.  Especially when religion/theology/doctrine, etc.  is used to continually inundate its followers with crazy-making unrealistic expectations, “spiritual sounding agendas” (which often are nothing more than techniques of manipulation and control), and mixed messages filled with guilt trips and shame! The examples you and MxMagpie gave are great examples of spiritual abuse.  I feel strongly that ANYTHING religious that comes down the pike with ANY kind of guilt or shame attached to it is TOXIC and you’re better off to discard it.

The problem with spiritual abuse is it is so subtle that recognizing it is about as difficult as trying to nail jello to a wall. I highly recommend an excellent book called The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse by David Johnson and Jeff VanVonderen. That book more than succeeds in nailing spiritual abuse to the wall! I re-read it from time to time just so I can keep my “spiritual bullshit detector” in good working condition!

I  also want to address something else you mentioned since I am a fairly well-healed survivor of childhood sexual/emotional/spiritual abuse. ( Disclaimer: I am NOT a psychotherapist or psychologist, but I can speak from personal experience and the 40 recovery books I’ve read on the subject of sexual/emotional/spiritual abuse and dysfunctional families.  In my humble opinion, if you are experiencing/reacting in ways consistent with childhood emotional/sexual abuse for 20+ years, I think there is a very good chance you really did experience some kind of emotional/sexual abuse. It is a very common form of survival for victims of abuse to block out the actual memories of abuse (through a mental process called dissociation.)

I experienced childhood sexual/emotional/spiritual abuse by “Christian parents” who loved to remind me that the Bible says children are to obey their parents and if I didn’t obey my parents, that was the same as not obeying God. Believe me, I was a very compliant, obedient child who never dared to question ANYTHING my parents or  church leaders told me to do. (Excuse me while I GAG!)  I was severely depressed most of my life without knowing WHY because I had completely blocked out all memories of abuse in order to survive. Memories of the sexual abuse did not surface until I was in my early 30’s, when I found out my “preacher-father” was sexually molesting my nieces. Had I not been confronted with the undeniable truth, I would probably still be clueless to this day that I was ever a victim of childhood sexual abuse.

I won’t lie – having to process that kind of shocking betrayal and all the accompanying memories and emotions was a painful process. But with determination and the help of skilled therapists, those memories and emotions became the springboard for experiencing the emotional healing and wholeness I had sought my entire life.  For me, it was way better to finally know the truth than to not know. (Even if I later ended up with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome which I fully believe was PTSD-related. At least my physical health seems to be improving a little every year  – YAY!)

On the flip side…I have a friend who has been in and out of counseling/therapy for 35+years. Every single counselor that has worked with her over the years has said the same thing:  she exhibits all the characteristics of someone who was sexually abused as a child. However, to this day she has no memory of any kind of sexual abuse. Yet when she recently had to have a colonoscopy, it was very traumatic. She referred to signing the consent form  as agreeing to “medically sanctioned rape!”  To me, that seems like a pretty good indicator that she was  sexually abused.  I tried to discuss that possibility with her but all she could say was, “I just CANNOT go there,” so I respected her boundaries.  (She has had severe fibromyalgia and panic attacks for several years now.)

All I know is that for ME, I do not regret for one second finding out the truth about the sexual abuse, because the process of working through all the pain really did bring me a tremendous amount of emotional and spiritual healing which had previously eluded me. So  IF there is some kind of abuse in your past, and IF it is in YOUR best interest to know about it, I pray you will find out.  And if there wasn’t and/or there was and you’re better off not finding out, I pray that you don’t. Either way, I pray you can find peace, move on with your life, and be happy. I wish you all the best SanG!

[RichardParticipant]

I can say that spiritual abuse creates PTSD from personal experience.  If you can get a child to believe something to be true, their mind and body doesn’t make a difference between real and the imagination.  I lived in fear for decades and it has taken a fair number of years for me to re-program my reactions so that I don’t collapse into self loathing and anxiety.  It is hard to be at most churches because I recognize the symptoms at various levels in many members of these congregations.  I call it terminal niceness.

The strength of Peter Levine’s book is that he deals with the reaction of the body.  These reactions don’t respond to talk therapy or intellectual understanding.  The body has to release these in it’s own way.  There are a number of somatic therapeutic techniques that work.  The key is finding a skillful therapist that can hang with the release and can patiently help a person regain mastery over their inner self.

[pamwernerParticipant]

Yes, yes, yes! I still cannot go to churches, watch/listen/ read anything Mark Driscoll (or most of the stuff put out by the neoreformed Calvinists) without getting  a pit in my stomach Or having some kind of strong reaction. Complementarian doctrine stuff  and pretty much any Christianese are triggers as well.  Even people quoting scripture and wielding it as a weapon does it for me.

At this time in my life I choose to avoid all of it online except TLS and Jim Palmer. I do not keep up the marshillrefuge blog unless I feel really compelled. It is not healthy for me and is not conducive to my healing or creating the life I want to live.

[Anonymous]

I’ve heard of DID happening to people who experienced childhood sexual abuse. This disorder is a complex process of protecting the self by parting out the secret to separate identities within the self, a little like a partitioned hard drive. These identities kick into action when triggered and usually manifest as a sudden and significant mood swing. In severe cases the original self can be lost in the shuffle and a person an live out of an alter for extended periods of time. I’m not sure if this is considered part of the PTSD spectrum.

[Sandy G.Participant]

Thank you all for your thoughts.

@Hugh, I am so sorry for the loss of that relationship.  For a time my husband insisted on cutting off my parents from our children, and I felt I must submit to his wishes to save my marriage.  He has backed down, and communication has started again, but I have my doubts now if I did the right thing.  I hope someday your son will wake up to what he is doing; and I understand the loss of sustaining faith.  Me too.

@MxMagpie, I am seeing that too about the religion and doctrine of my upbringing.  I knew spiritual abuse to be present for many, but didn’t think I had personally experienced it.  And I think it was through one of David’s blogs that I first began to see that I too had been spiritually abused.

@Helene, I actually have that book and read it a couple of years back.  At the time I got it I realized something had traumatized me, but was still looking for an “event”, rather than an overarching spiritual atmosphere.  Maybe it’s time to pick it up again.

@Jo White, thank you.  I am open to the possibility that there was sexual abuse in my past.  I find myself longing to understand what the crap made me this way, and for that I would welcome the knowledge.

@Richard and @pamwerner.  Yes.  The fear, and anxiety, the reaction to “church” and hearing the Bible and Christianese talk.  I end up feeling so agitated, emotionally and physically.

And @Wayne-Rumsby, sounds true to me.  I have heard that trauma can cause a split.

Thank you so much for all for your replies. 

[AngParticipant]

SanG, I’m late getting in the conversation but I was diagnosed with PTSD because of a church situation; not only was it finding out after nine years that I had been going to what is considered to be a cult, but also some situations that occurred with pastors, elders, ‘apostolic oversight’, etc.  The first year, I was basically a zombie, just existing.  It has gradually gotten better.  But I don’t think I’ll ever return to the ‘me’ that I use to be before the church PTSD.  And I’m not going to church; that is just something that is not in the cards for me again.

[Author]

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