Swallowing a Gratitude Pill

[StarryNightParticipant]

I’ve shared my story here before, so I won’t share my background in too much detail. Suffice it to say that when I was fired by the Sr. Pastor after 12 years as an associate pastor I was very hurt. It was done without cause, blamed finances, and said nothing to the church of over 2000 people. The rest of the staff, including my brother, didn’t stand up for me, possibly scared of the consequences if they would have. If there were good reasons for letting me go, they never shared them with me, in fact they asked me to write a letter of resignation making it look like it was my idea to leave.

Being fired honestly was one of the best things that has happened to my wife and I as it pushed us out of the institutional box and we found that God existed outside our man-made temples. We haven’t looked back and so love the freedom we are experiencing.

That being said there are still some hardships, mostly around relationships. The pastor that fired me has been in a transition of handing over his role to my brother. When it came to the actual changing of titles it brought up a lot of emotions in me. I realized that I had expectations that the pastor would look back over his shoulder and see the carnage that pursuing his vision had caused. I thought this would be a part of him desiring to finish well. Well… it didn’t happen, and I had to let go of those expectations all over again.

Forgiveness is a process, I think, just like healing. Though I would like restoration (to the man, not the job), it may never happen. What I really need is freedom.

Last Saturday I sat down at my favorite, neighborhood brewery and decided to write a gratitude list about the pastor. It broke my heart, in a good way, and tears kept flowing in my beer as I typed. When I was done I numbered them. There were 40. It felt complete.

I emailed the list to my brother. I didn’t include an introduction or a closing, just sent the list. He responded back with kindness and made a request. The church had been compiling letters from members into a book for the pastor and his wife. My brother wanted to know if he could include my list in the book. It was easy to say yes. There is freedom in gratitude.

I don’t think writing a gratitude list is a prescription for everyone at every time. I wasn’t ready for this medicine before now. Antibiotics only work against infections caused by bacteria; they don’t work against any infections caused by viruses. My bitterness and anger had been viral. But over time and love it became a bug that just didn’t need to live inside me any longer. Gratefulness was a pill that went down easy and stopped the anger from spreading any longer.

• This topic was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  David Hayward.

[AngParticipant]

Very interesting.  Thanks for sharing.

 

[David HaywardKeymaster]

beautiful

[Anonymous]

Thanks for sharing Chad, I was similarly healed when I practiced gratefulness/gratitude in one situation. Ok, so chucking something from outfield in the mix – does everyone believe in forgiveness? I understand the concept of ‘letting go’ for your own health’s sake, but forgiveness? I’m curious. Questioning what we take for granted here. And I wonder if everyone means the same thing when they use the word forgiveness.

[Ruth AnneParticipant]

Powerful….

 

[moxierocksParticipant]

Oh wow..thanks for sharing this Chad.

Helene, Starfielder started a thread a little while back that addresses that very question.  http://www.thelastingsupper.com/forums/topic/forgiveness/

 

such awesome, deep things to think on..

[Anonymous]

So happy for your freedom Chad!

 

[Anonymous]

Thanks moxierocks, just spotted it now at the same time. I must think alike starfielder. Somehow I’m missing stuff moving through the threads, glad to hear it’ll be improved in the future.

[Anonymous]

Helene, that’s a good question about what people mean by forgiveness.  I’ve honestly seen a few people in my life become crippled by their reaction to the word.  They’ve been terribly hurt, then told that they HAD to forgive.  That led them to simply refuse, on the grounds that they didn’t need to.  Sadly, instead of finding freedom in that, they ended up bitter and angry.  It mostly seems like they are equating “forgiveness” with “saying it’s all okay.”  Because they don’t want to dismiss it or welcome the abuser back into their lives, they have also refused to let it go and move forward (I won’t say “move on,” because that’s also a loaded term).  I find it hard to be around people who are angry all the time; it ends up feeling toxic to me.

I suppose I mean something like what I said about “moving forward” when I say “forgive.”  It doesn’t mean “forget” or “let it go.”  It means that I can get on with my life in such a way that I’m not demanding everyone see life my way.  In other words, just because I have a father who has done really lousy things doesn’t mean everyone does and that we have to somehow reclaim our identities from ALL fathers.

[Anonymous]

Amy – you made some really great observations and excellent points! Especially liked what you said about people tending to equate forgiveness with saying what was done to them was OK.  I kept putting off forgiveness because that is exactly what I thought it meant.

But once I understood what forgiveness  is and isn’t, I was finally able to forgive. (And even then, I found out forgiveness is a process – not a one time thing.)

We don’t forgive the other person for THEIR sake, (they really have nothing to do with it) – we forgive the other person for OUR sake – so we can walk in freedom instead of bitterness which only continues to hurt us and keep us from enjoying life.

Somewhere I have a list of what constitutes forgiveness and what doesn’t. Since this seems to be an ongoing topic, I’ll post it (that’s IF I can find it.)

[R2Participant]

Chad, that was an awesome thing to do.

[StarryNightParticipant]

I’ve sure appreciated the thoughts here about forgiveness. No it certainly doesn’t mean that what happened to us was okay, but I sure don’t want to be stuck there. I desire freedom. I want to do the work that helps me be free.

[Anonymous]

Beautiful

 

[Author]

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