Unsure how to address the "abandonment" of my Catholic upbringing

[CeciliaDavidsonParticipant]

My father and I had a very severe falling out some days ago, but, in his attempts to get my buttons pushed, he acted like my criticizing the Church and studying other faiths was somehow calling other people’s beliefs baloney. To be fair, I did go through such a phase and realized how much of an idiot I was for doing that. As some of you know from the Facebook group and from my own posts, I study Zen Buddhism in an amateur manner and do tarot readings. Apparently, doing both, more so the latter, is a slap in the face of my dead mother, and my family just outright refuses to understand why I needed to take an alternate path, even in my doubt and my crises of faith which ultimately ended up with my saying that Jesus wasn’t the son of God.

The irony is that, five years ago, I signed up to join a Catholic fraternal order. An agnostic who still tries to defend the Church.

Much of my family are hardline Christians who wouldn’t consider other viewpoints as “right.” I’m honestly afraid of what will happen, especially fellow members of the Knights of Columbus (outside of one who did hear me out and understood my viewpoints). I’m tempted to wait to post a better explanation until after I move out, but any crisis of faith that I had, my family tried to temper back towards the Church, and I don’t feel as “at home” in Christianity as I used to. I’m not sure if it was my mother’s death or Pope Benedict that started the process, but it’s just something that I can’t safely get off my chest without getting angry looks.

• This topic was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  CeciliaDavidson.

[JeffPrideauxParticipant]

Most of the Catholics I know only go to church twice a year if that.  You can always join that fairly large club.  ;).

One strategy would be to de-emphasize your religious differences while you still live under your father’s roof and then start to establish more firm boundaries once you move out.  That is more or less a right of passage anyway.  Even though he might be frustrated  with you, deep down he will probably respect you for standing up a and thinking for yourself.

I’m sorry to hear that your mother passed away.  I lost my father way too soon.

 

 

[starfielderParticipant]

The death of one of my parents changed everything. It doesn’t surprise me that it was a catalyst towards change. I like what @Jeff Prideaux suggests.

[Anonymous]

I’ve mentioned elsewhere that I wasn’t “allowed” to experiment with other religions while I lived with my parents (even though I was technically an adult) because it caused my mother a great deal of distress.  I remember one point, during an early agnostic phase, where I would get dressed for church but drive myself to the local bookstore or coffeehouse.  When I got interested in Buddhism, I would meditate but call it prayer (see centering prayer).  The book “Without Buddha I Could Not Be A Christian” was a big help towards conveying the compatibility of the two.  When I moved out (finally!), I realized that I could pursue any avenue I wanted.  I also learned to never discuss religion or politics with either of my parents.  I love my parents – but I’ve felt recently that if it wasn’t for my birth and them raising me, we’d probably have nothing else in common.  And that’s okay.

[Anonymous]

I don’t have any advice to offer, but I’m sorry you are in this frustrating, uncomfortable situation. Hope things will improve in your relationship with your dad over time.

[Author]

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