This topic contains 34 replies, has 15 voices, and was last updated by 
Ren 1 year, 8 months ago.
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Anonymous@Know-Nun:
Me too. Around this time of year is probably the hardest for me. Have you been depressed most of your life?
As I’ve posted here before, I too struggle with singleness (including the whole virgin thing) as well as being in the military and wishing I was a civilian again because you never realize just how free you are to do certain things until you cant do them anymore. I also struggle with shyness and depression in general but I’m working hard to just learn to be content in the moment, which is difficult but I think is the key to inner peace.
AnonymousWhat things do you miss as a civilian?
Yeah, I’m having a difficult time with singleness too lately. It hits hardest this time of year. This year is no exception, though it’s been a little better. And yes, learn to appreciate what you have and focus on the present.
Know-Nun, me too. Some days I simply feel paralyzed. I don’t have any excuses either.
Thanks for asking the question, Jlac. I am finding it very hard to move forward and discover any motivation for action. I am lethargic, overweight, and feel very inadequate.
Chad
Anonymous@StarryNight (Chad)
I think we can all agree that this is the hardest of year for some of us. One thing I notice often is many people are *not* open about their struggles. Either out of pride or fear. Most of the time it’s the latter. Thankful for this space where others are given the freedom to be transparent and vulnerable.
I, too am overweight and struggle with slight insecurity. And the feeling of being inadequacy crept on me this weekend, so I understand.
Stay close with family and with people who appreciate and accept you for who you are. That helps me.
Jlac, so to go deeper, I do have people around me who love, appreciate and accept me for who they think I am. I am always afraid that if the get to know the real me, the one who is broken instead of the one who can do things for them, that they will abandon me too. That is my deep, dark fear – I am not worth it.
AnonymousChad, I can definitely relate so much your response kind of hit me in the gut. Once people know the real me, they bailed and abandoned me. And one thing I tell myself often is, all we can offer the world is ourselves. Whoever that is. I’m not ashamed of my brokenness and you shouldn’t be either. Broken is the new normal ;). Embrace your brokenness and let others in. The ones that really care about you, won’t go anywhere. They’ll love you for it.
I posted this last night and I’ll share it with you:
“Everyone has baggage, don’t be ashamed of yours. Find people who love you enough to help you unpack.”
We’re here for you, Chad.
I miss …
-being able to be close to my family and friends
-being able to grow my hair out
-being able to shop at multiple stores (I literally have one store to shop at where im at)
-the ability to quit my job and go after something else if I so choose
-being able to hang around normal, non-military people
-the ability to dress and have my things the way I want
-Just the ability to not have my life micromanaged in generalAnd many other things. I know its the choice I made, but I definitely made that choice for a lot of stupid reasons that I’m still feeling regretful about a whole year later.
AnonymousHow long are you serving in the military, Savage Soto?
AnonymousChad, I struggle with that too–if people knew the “real” me, they wouldn’t like me. I found out that my own family like the real me MUCH better than the fake me, but I guess I don’t trust my friends to be the same way. I have lost a few friends by being authentic. The irony is that our last church tried to sell itself as “an authentic 24/7 community,” yet that was a place I felt more fake than ever (and who the heck wants these people breathing down your neck 24/7????). I often find myself thinking, people would like me better if I were thinner or prettier or smarter or nicer.
AnonymousI’m struggling with deep depression and extreme anxiety. It’s not quite panic attack mode, but the anxiety is intense.
I look at both as important opportunities to grow and to learn more about myself. Having said this, that attitude doesn’t make it much easier to experience.
I’m finding that I am not alone and that in fact, a lot of people are feeling some anxiety and depression and it’s not just the usual holiday/winter blues. My perspective tells me there is an important shift happening and it’s shaking a lot of us up. I feel like I’m on a roller coaster these days and I’m trying to just Be on the ride. Just be there for it.
Chad, Jlac, Tana…everyone, really..:)
All of my sisters, my brother, and my mother are all very thin and fit looking… I need to lose a minimum of 50 pounds to be healthy. My chronic illnesses are probably not helped at all by how unfit I am, and I’m finding it very, very hard to crawl out of bed in the morning. My kids are pretty much the only reason I can manage to lately… It seems there are more than a few here that know what it’s like to be unmotivated and feel inadequate. Depression and anxiety are huge obstacles that I have been present in my life for a long time now. There’s a constant nagging in the back of my head to find a way to push through…(and I do sometimes, not always as thoroughly as I’d like)….but it’s not easy to do. Sometimes I imagine that my depression and anxiety and feelings of inadequacy are like a thick, leathery, shell…(Maybe I’m in a dinosaur egg? lol) sometimes I get really mad at the shell for holding me back, and I try to claw my way out of it. I usually only make myself feel worse, and I imagine that the shell gets stronger and thicker from my fighting it. Believe it or not, the last couple of months, I’ve had a few “breakthrough” periods in certain areas that have been feeling especially weak in…what I did differently was: I stopped fighting and I kind of “relaxed” into my own “shell”. I attribute a TON of credit for those little successes to the amazing community I’ve found with all of you here. And it’s got me thinking..maybe acceptance is a big part of overcoming obstacles. Some of them might disappear or become as easy to squash as bugs if we can embrace them instead of war with them…just a thought.
Love to you all!
~moxieI signed up for 5 years and just completed year 1…so 4 more to go. Honestly, the year went relatively fast though so I’m hoping that trend continues.
I think it’d all be more bearable if I could overcome this season of singleness and find someone I click with, but then again that’s probably an illusion.
As I draw closer to being 57, I am not struggling… but waiting for some wind to fill my sails again. At this phase of my life, I’ve raised our children, found work that is within my skill set, am with a good company, own a home, and get a kick out of watching Bonnie (my wife) enjoy life.
But all the normal peaks of life are behind me: our youngest is 30 years old; my career peaked in 2000, then again in 2008… now, I happily work on minor and easy projects. I wrote some Internet books in 2006 & 2008… I wrote music in 2011…. My house-situation peaked from 2003 to last June – and we have now moved to a smaller home. I do not attend a church (nor wish to). I have not found a place where the poor gather in our new location.
I have no driving wind now. Somehow, I have retired from life, and am overwhelmed by the silence.
Much love in Christ always and unconditionally; Caryn
AnonymousCaryn – Your statement, “I have no driving wind now. Somehow, I have retired from life, and am overwhelmed by the silence,” really struck a chord with me. I am 55 and have not been able to work since 1994, when fucking Chronic Fatigue Syndrome cut short my career as a surgical nurse. I have tried to do variou home-based businessess, and I do well for about 3 months and then it’s like someone yanks the rug right out from under me. And then I’m back to square one dealing with crushing fatigue and frustrating cognitive issues.
I have no desire to do church either, so I have lost my network of “church friends.” My only real source of happiness right now is my 13 month old grandson.
Just saying I can totally relate!
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