@davsmith
active 5 months, 2 weeks agoForum Replies Created
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Recently, at least, it would be Peter Rollins’ Idolatry of God. Identifying certainty and satisfaction as idols really resonated with me, as did his embrace of relationships across boundaries. Mystery and wonder emerge from relationships rather than being something external we discover or which discovers us.
Oh, and I really like Ender’s Game. Empathy.
Oh, and just to be clear, I wrote the previous entry expecting a resounding (even if unwritten) reply of “fuck you, asshole!” or the like. In the second paragraph, I was trying to capture the cheerful, “loving” way christians often communicate very hurtful things. Then I started to worry someone might think I meant some of that myself… (insecurities, lol).
(Some three-word responses from the ghost of christians past…)
“I’m really concerned”, “You shouldn’t swear”, “you shouldn’t drink”, “God hates homosexuality”(though He “loves the sinner”), “6000 years old!”, “pit of hell”, “I’ll pray for you”, “God loves you” and “I love you”.
(Note: I realize that “I’ll pray for you” has four words, but I include it to show I can relate to you as a sinner since, but by the grace of God, you can’t even count to three – what kinship you must feel for me now!) I would have added something about “burn in hell” but that’s been covered already.
Cheers!
Well, I studied mostly in the “safe” subjects of chemistry/physics/math, so I didn’t encounter this too much. My wife, however, is just now starting a masters in family counseling program and she’s gotten lots of strange looks, etc., from people.
I should say that my interests in the fields you mentioned has grown substantially as I have left the “conservative” church, and the two are definitely correlated for me. My old faith just didn’t work with my honest perception of human nature.
And you’ll have to work harder than this to create a post that is too rant-y! Love what you wrote…
And welcome!
Just got mine uploaded yesterday!
Hi Michelle,
Better late than never, I want to reply to assure you personally that you aren’t alone. I’ve broken completely from my old church, a conservative “reformed” congregation. They didn’t abuse us, and let us leave graciously for the most part. Still, I wouldn’t go back there ever, except for perhaps a wedding or funeral.
Currently, we attend a local Methodist church fairly regularly. It’s a place where I can explore some of my thinking (“speaking up”) with some really kindhearted people. Most of them don’t really seem to understand my questions or concerns, but they don’t shame me for speaking them either. The pastor and his wife have become pretty dear to us in just a few months. They seem to really understand and respect human nature even while pursuing a “relationship with God”. The sermons give me something to think about every week, things that don’t require faith to appreciate. At the same time, though, there is an emphasis in the church on experiencing God that I really can’t embrace or participate in, so I can feel left out and lonely, and I’m not sure if this will be a long-term place for us or not.
Honestly, the combination of that community and this one feels just right to me now, especially with how I have this longing to be able to live on the boundary between “the church and the world”, please forgive the jargon. More on that elsewhere.
Great lists, everyone. Lots of what you have said resonate with me. My top three (as of today) would be:
(1) Loneliness. I never learned how to relate authentically with people outside the church (it could be dangerous!), and now I can’t relate with many in the church. It feels like being an awkward teenager again.
(2) Identifying meaning. My sense of meaning in life was always tied up with God, pleasing him or following him. Now that I admit I’m not sure he’s there, I feel a lack of meaning. What sense of meaning I do have emerges from the relationships I have, but see #1, there aren’t enough of those! I find I sometimes live life as if it doesn’t matter, playing computer games for example instead of being responsible.
(3) Learning how to nurture family relationships. I’m very thankful for my wife sticking with me through the past few years, but we live with an asymmetry in our spiritual perspectives and longings that causes practical stress – what activities do we engage in, etc. Also, with our children, especially the younger two (10 and 12). They were trained to embrace a fairly traditional view of God and church, and it is unsettling to them now to observe the changes in me.
(4) Not knowing how to count to three anymore. Of course, that’s because those outside of the church don’t have a “renewed mind” so they are incapable of even simple math.-
This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by
David S. Reason: just formatting
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