This topic contains 41 replies, has 21 voices, and was last updated by 
Ren 1 year, 9 months ago.
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true maliborn. welcome to “here”. these are a great group of people i’m sure you will learn to trust.
Starfielder – we’ve had the same issues with those pastor recommendations… but you are right… somehow it all works out
AnonymousWow so much of what i’ve read here, resonates with my own experience. Unlike many I was never really oneof the uber committed. I did help out in activities etc.
1) A big thing for me was anger. I came out of the church quite angry. I just found that I was in a completely different space. It was as if the sunday morning deal was on a entry level, appealing to the lowest common denomenator, while I had more advanced questions that would have rocked the boat and made people uncomfortable. It affected my wife deeply as my leaving the church affected how she viewed herself, there have been times when the marriage was affected quite adversely. Almost didn’t make it but with a lot of grace going both ways we’re still hanging in there.
2) Who am I outside of the confines of religion. It defined who I was, what I did, who I did it with for o so many years. And now what do I replace it with. Combine that with a lack of theological certainty and its a biggy.
3) Helping the children deal with the changes in the family. They were a part of a private christian school and face a lot of abuse and bullying because they weren’t one of the clones or in crowd. They too are experiencing anger. The younger of the two considers herself an atheist. I have a friend who likes to say, and all this without a safety net. I get that;no certain outcomes, but here I am in the vast wilderness of the unknown.
thanks for sharing that zinger. anger… yes… that’s a biggy.
Even though I have not totally disconnected from the traditional church structure, so many of the things you guys have written resonate with me. Even if I haven’t experienced them, they certainly represent my fears.
The hardest thing for me has been that I had created a theology that so closely wed my personal relationship with God with my relationship with the church, that when I started questioning the church, everything seemed to be fare game.
The deconstruction has been scary and brutal.
McBeth, welcome to the kinder side of scary and brutal. You aren’t alone.
deconstruction always is scary. but i’ve also found it, eventually, very liberating.
Anonymous1)loss of social network – I have to resist the urge to getinvolved again with church because I miss the people and socializing with them. I’ve been drawn back in a few times but I always end up leaving again for all the same reasons. I don’t let myself get sucked back in anymore.
2) not know ing how to explain to family and old friends who are still actively involved in church why I just can’t do the ” institutional church” anymore. if they dont feel that there’s a problem with how most churches function, there is no way to begin to explain it to them. So I don’t even try to. doing so would only make them more worried that I’ve gone off the deep end which leads to guilt and/or uncertainty about questioning the theology I’ve believed all my life. especially since it was ingrained in me never to trust my own mind and thinking!
3) Finding LOCAL like-minded Christians who are also done with the institutional church and questioning traditional theology! I’ve read so many books that say LOTS of Christians are leaving their churches, but I can’t seem to meet any who I could get together with. I’m hoping I will on this website!
I’m sure you will on this site Jo. Many.
Jo,
Yes, yes and yes! All of those things! I really appreciated your other post too. I read it through my email….not sure where the comment was made though! It was very encouraging and helpful…want to talk more!
Great lists, everyone. Lots of what you have said resonate with me. My top three (as of today) would be:
(1) Loneliness. I never learned how to relate authentically with people outside the church (it could be dangerous!), and now I can’t relate with many in the church. It feels like being an awkward teenager again.
(2) Identifying meaning. My sense of meaning in life was always tied up with God, pleasing him or following him. Now that I admit I’m not sure he’s there, I feel a lack of meaning. What sense of meaning I do have emerges from the relationships I have, but see #1, there aren’t enough of those! I find I sometimes live life as if it doesn’t matter, playing computer games for example instead of being responsible.
(3) Learning how to nurture family relationships. I’m very thankful for my wife sticking with me through the past few years, but we live with an asymmetry in our spiritual perspectives and longings that causes practical stress – what activities do we engage in, etc. Also, with our children, especially the younger two (10 and 12). They were trained to embrace a fairly traditional view of God and church, and it is unsettling to them now to observe the changes in me.
(4) Not knowing how to count to three anymore. Of course, that’s because those outside of the church don’t have a “renewed mind” so they are incapable of even simple math.-
This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by
David S. Reason: just formatting
hey Pam… i’m looking forward to your “serious” post.
AnonymousJo,
Me too! I can’t find other local Christians who feel the same. Even the Christians I know IRL who question mainstream theology are still deeply invested in churches. So where the heck are all these Christians who still believe but reject the institutional version of Christianity?
some are here amy.
Jo, we’re out here, “not deeply invested in institutional church and questioning traditional theology.” This site has been awesome for helping ease the blow this realization. Most stuff churches teach I just don’t care about anymore.
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