This topic contains 23 replies, has 13 voices, and was last updated by 
David Hayward 1 year, 10 months ago.
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Thank you everyone for your stories, encouragement, and support. I haven’t replied or commented on the details of the trial yet, mostly because of the fact that I’m in full-time studies which are presently kicking my ass. Needless to say, it was a hellish experience and we’re happy be through that part.
Next week is the verdict date. My wife says she thinks about that day at least every hour. The outcome affects not only us, but a lot of people, including our former community, church, denomination, and bible college. It is anticipated that if he “wins”, he will be out for financial blood against these organizations for being “wrongfully accused”. Already, the local news company who reported on the case publically retracted their news statements they made; he must’ve threatened legal action against them. This has really confused the community and sent a big WTF up in the air. It just helps shows how crazy the whole scenario has been.
According to the Crown, this case is precedent setting in the courts. Cases related to clergy abuse of this nature are very scarce and so there isn’t much to back this in the historical context. Apparently the only provincial case that comes close to this involves a pastor who told a woman she was demon possessed and had to have sex with him to expell it. We were also told that a case of this calibre hasn’t been seen in about 25 years. Additionally, there was also a further complication because the abuses took place in two provinces.
The issue at hand is that basically, in professions where there is an imbalance of power and a position of trust, such as doctors, teachers, psychologists, coaches, lawyers and judges, there cannot be sexual consent due to the power position involved. Consent also cannot occur regardless of age. The defense is challenging this notion on the basis that the victims were “adults” (18). and that the “pastor” never had an authority role over these vulnerable women, but that the women knew what they were getting into. So the “pastor” who methodically groomed underage teenagers; provided counselling for serious traumas including previous sexual abuse; provided his residence to vulnerable women from abusive or non-existent home backgrounds; isolated them from outside supports; offered everything under the guise of Jesus and “a father’s love”; and psychologically, spiritual, and sexually manipulated and abused these women, the defense tries to claim, is merely a sexual arrangement between two consenting adults. While on the surface it really should appear cut and dry as abuse, the psychological nature, evidence and testimony plays a huge role in the verdict; it’s really a messy case. Anyone in their right mind can make sense of this, but without clear and strong evidence, it is legally challenged.
Clearly the guy is one sick SOB. The RCMP who first interrogated him were deeply disturbed by his sociopathic and narcissistic character. What I`ve come to understand is that there are a lot of pastors who maintain these traits, but they are usually labelled “charismatic”.
Pertaining to our health and safety, we were on edge while there, and it took about a month to settle down again when we returned home, we were exhausted too. Our Crown Prosecutor even requested a plainclothes officer to escort to her vehicle because she feared for her safety during the trial. She was also formally threatened during the case, which is a criminal offense in itself.
On top of the trial, we’ve had several other additional stresses to add to our already max out stress-o-meters. My wife and I joke that if we ever find relief from the stress, our bodies won’t know how to cope because they are so use to a daily dose of cortisol. Our psychologists have been huge in helping us to process through the pile in front of us. They have affirmed the magnitude of the situation and the substantial life changes that we`ve endured. They’ve also validated that, through the craziness, we aren’t crazy. Simply having someone say, “you can relax, that’s healthy and normal” is huge! “Hmmm… Gee, Doc…. do you really think that the crazy circumstances I’ve faced and my present condition might just be correlated?… So that helps explains my exhaustion; my escape to easy things; my lack of joy; my anger; my short fuse; the overwhelming emotions; the crushing of my world view; my low self-esteem; the loss of faith; the shame I’ve felt; the guilt; depression; new indulgences; the lack of motivation; the lack of mental focus; the grief; and my fury at the church and God…. You mean I shouldn’t just brush it off as the devil and commit to more ascetic acts?”
So, while we cannot predict the outcome of the verdict, we know the outcomes are serious either way. I’ve tried not to hold in my mind the view that a guilty verdict will ocur, mostly because I fear that if the opposite were to occur I’d be devastated. I know though that for all of the victims involved, and there are many more, one guilty count would validate what Dr. Cornell West says: “Justice is love in public”.
Wow Veritas. What you have endured moves me. I have so much respect for you and I am honored that you share the journey here with us.
AnonymousVerritus – There are NO words to adequately express how sorry I am (and how sick it makes me!) that you and your family (and the other victims) are under such an onslaught of continuous, INSANE amounts of stress, and that you are experiencing emotional upheaval of “off the chart” proportions! NO ONE SHOULD HAVE TO ENDURE WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH!
I’ve tried several times to respond to your post, but it’s been difficult because I have been through similar circumstances with a “wolf in sheep’s clothing pastor.” I know the totally unexpected shock and the ensuing emotional/spiritual agony that comes with having been betrayed by a “representative of God” who has horribly abused his position of power and authority. A man who has the audacity not only to deny the allegations, but his cunning, manipulaive attempts to discredit you… who then turns around and tries to blame the victims for HIS abusive behavior.
It is beyond the mind’s capacity to comprehend such cruel, crazy-making behavior by a once loved and respected Christan leader. You cannot make sense of something that makes NO sense, so don’t waste your time and energy trying to!
The details of my story are a little different. The perpetrator of sexual molestation was my father – who abused me, my two nieces, and God only knows how many other innocent children.
I know how crazy-making it is to try to get ANY of the district church leaders to HEAR the truth about the abuse, and I know the devastation that comes with their refusal to believe it. All they care about is protecting the “church’s image” and they could care less about the innocent victims!
The only thing they offered us was to “have a church trial.” And the jury would be made up of pastors who had known, served with, and respected my father for 40 years! We knew exactly how that would turn out. Our abuser would be vindicated and we would be re-victimized. We said NO THANKS!
We reported our father to CPS who did NOTHING, and my brother did not want his daughters to be further traumatized by having to testify at a trial. (The statute of limitations had already run out on the abuse he perpetrated against me as a child.) So we were spared the added stress of a court trial.
I cannot even imagine how much MORE stress you guys are going through because of having the whole thing play out in public, receiving threats, and having to endure a court trial! No wonder you are physically, emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually depleted and experiencing so many physical symptoms.
There is no way being under that much stress for that long is not going to take some kind of toll on your body. I hope and pray none of you will suffer any long-term effects! I’m so glad you have had the support and understanding of good therapists while going through this living hell.
I shared some of the details of “my story” not to make this about me, but so you would know that when I say I understand some of the living hell you are going through, I really do understand. I hope that is some comfort to you.
Believe me, I understand the grief and the rage you feel toward God and the Church. I discovered that God can handle all the anger and disappointment I could throw at him – and it was a necessary part of the healing process. But the good news is you can emerge from this ordeal with a much healthier and more authentic relationship with the GOD of OUTRAGEUS GRACE!
I hope and pray for a guilty verdict against that bastard, sorry excuse for a pastor, and that he will send a very, long time behind bars for the unspeakable atrocities he committed against innocent people by betraying their trust! (That said, you are wise to have “guarded hope” just in case the court system fails to deliver justice.)
Please keep us posted on how things turn our and how you guys are doing, OK?
According to the local media’s account of the ruling, apparently there was “insufficient evidence” and, according to the Judge, the pastor only had a position of power until he had sexual involvement!?! The decision is very baffling and disturbing; the judge clearly missed some key points in making his decision. We will now have to wait and see about the appeal option, but that is an exhausting thought in itself.
We`re quite upset about this decision. What does this appear to mean for the church and pastoral leadership? Basically, you can play God and fuck with peoples’ souls, minds and bodies, so long as you groom them so they are ripe for the picking – anything over 18 goes. If a girl tries to kill herself, and there’s medical evidence of that, that’s not enough. Even when the accused admits his actions in court, that’s not enough evidence. I`m sure you feel my engaged sentiment by now….
Feel free to inquire or comment if you wish. I will try an reply when I can; I’m now in the midst of course finals too.
Very discouraging. Yet, look what you have done! Look at what you’ve endured. WOW! WOW! WOW!
verittus, I don’t know what to say. I read the whole link and there is so much wrong there. Obviously right/wrong and legal/illegal to the courts can be very different. I hate that, an dthe injustice of it all.
It is good to see you smiling in your profile pic. Keep us updated please.
AnonymousVerritus – Thanks for letting us know how it turned out. I feel sad and angry over the verdict! What a travesty of justice!!
I am so sorry the court/judge failed you, your wife, the other victim, and your families so miserably. I hope you know that even though man’s “justice system” (talk about an oxymoron!) failed to hold the perpetrator accountable for his sick actions, he is NOT off of God’s hook! Some day his dark deeds will be fully exposed and that man will be humiliated and held accountable in front of every person that ever lived on this planet!
You are my heroes for at least trying to stand up against that evil “wolf in sheep’s clothing,” and trying to stop him from abusing any more innocent, unsuspecting victims. To say I applaud your courage and determination is a huge understatement! I hope for your sakes you don’t have to go through the appeal process. You have already been through enough stress and emotional upheaval to last 100 lifetimes! One thing I know for sure – if that sick bastard ever abuses anyone in the future, it will NOT be YOUR fault! The blame rests squarely on the shoulders of that judge, who by his ruling basically gave him permission to continue to abuse people. But now – thanks to you guys – he will at least be on people’s radar screens!
I can’t imagine trying to study for finals in the midst of reeling from this verdict. Good luck! I hope you do really well with your field of study and that you have much future success! (Btw – what field are you going into having left the ministry? )
You’ve been tried by fire, but you have emerged as resilient and stronger people for what you have been through. I hope you all have nothing but smooth sailing from here on out, and I wish all of you nothing but the best!
Verritus, I am sitting here in shock and disbelief of what the victims have suffered, what you have all gone thru and that the perpetrator was found not guilty.
You said, “According to the Crown, this case is precedent setting in the courts.”
That fact in and of itself is a green light for other predators to continue to see their clergy role as a magic pass to continue to be a pervert. I’m afraid way too many people place pastors/clergy in a category that they do not belong; that of being holier than thou. And in doing so, they are seen as “innocent regardless of the evidence.” I feel sure that if the same evidence was given and the perpetrator was a factory worker or a bank teller or some other non-discript position in the community, the verdict would have been different. I believe every person, regardless of their walk in life, deserves honor and respect AS LONG AS IT IS EARNED. But every person should be regarded and judged according to their actions and behaviors.My heart goes out to you and I’m wishing you do great on your studies and that all good things come your way. You more than deserve it.
Reading through this again Verittus, it is clear that even very intelligent people can be totally ignorant about spiritual abuse.
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