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Hello fellow travelers, my name is Carl Devon, but I go by Devon. This is not my birth name, but I’ll explain that later. I grew up in an Assembly of God family. When I was very young my father was a minister. My Grandfather on my mother’s side was an AG minister. It was believed when I was younger that I too would be a minister. That is not how it turned out. Oh, I went to bible college right out of high school believing I was heading into ministry. Then my life took a drastic turn. I got married. Began to have intimacy (read sexual) problems. I was married for 3 years and during that time I came to realize I was gay. Came home to Maine and fell in love, it was a one way street. So I joined the Navy to be all I could be. (I did a lot of running back in those days.) Met some wonderful folks from Youth With a Mission. I felt like I fit in for the first time. But I started to have blank spots in my memory. I drank to try and level my self out. I ended up being let go from the Navy because I’d made a pass at some girl… Not. Anyway I guess I was ready to come home.
I grew up in the church. Sunday morning, Sunday night, Youth group, Wednesday night bible, Youth camp and choir, I was into it all. I saw a girl at teen camp one year who had no life behind her eyes, I was so afraid that was happening to me. Church seemed to be killing me from the inside out. By the time I went to college I was so screwed up but I’d gotten very good at hiding it. After my divorce I stopped going to church. I found out while I was married that I had a lot of phyc issues. Ended up in the hospital quite a few times between 1977 and ’95. I tried to fit my spirituality and sexuality together but never could. I had to choose and it didn’t matter what I choise I felt empty.
I decided to ‘Study to show yourself approved’. I looked into other spiritual beleif systems, read up about the history of the church (what an eye opener), and listened. One day in 1999 while doing my laundry at a laundry mat I had my ‘Paul’s’ great awakening. I sat outside smoking a ciggarette. My mind exploded with colors and light and I saw the ‘Big Bang’. But I also saw where and how it came to be. I sat there talking to The Great Divine. Asking questions and getting answered by more questions. I was no longer afraid to ask. Jesus said if we come as little children… they ask a lot of questions. That is how my journey began. I am not accepted by my family. They love me, but can’t accept me? Go figure. My answer is always the same, when encouraged to give my heart to god. God and I are ok. It doesn’t stop them but it helps knowing that The Great Divine and I are ok.
Oh, I almost forgot. When I was born I was given a name befitting my gender, Carol Rebecca, a baby girl. It took me 50 years to understand my confusion. I knew I always felt more like a boy than a girl but there was nothing I could do about it. My insurance, I’m on disability, paid for my Testosterone shots. The top surgery may never happen, which causes me some problems. But most of the time others respond to me as male and when that doesn’t happen I tell them they have it wrong.
There is no way to give our stories justice unless of course we write our own book. These have just been snippets of my life. I hope I can be of encouragement to someone else and when I need it find it here. I’m still not going to church, though I did try recently going to an inclusive church. Too much politics everyone wanting to be in the in-crowd. I don’t think that’s what Jesus had in mind when he talked about the church.
Welcome Devon. Glad to meet you!
I have found this community to be thoughtful, kind, welcoming and all around really nice to hang with.
Wow @cDevon! I so appreciate you sharing your amazing story! Welcome to TLS!
AnonymousWelcome
AnonymousHi Devon – Welcome! Thanks for sharing your journey. I can’t even imagine how difficult it would be to be in your shoes, and yet you have persevered through it all – in spite of your family and the church. WOW! You are so courageous to have made it this far. I hope you know you are welcomed and accepted in this community.
Hi Devon, glad you’re here…
Welcome, Devon. Glad you are here. Your story inspires me…
Welcome!
Thanks everyone nice to feel welcomed. I love reading, writing and learning so I will probably be here quite often.
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