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I think I couldn’t imagine this day.
This day where I look outside and see the sun shinning and the trees moving in the breeze and I’m full of gratitude. For months I have felt the silence as if I was holding my breath. Not the panic-stricken breath-holding when you’re underwater trying to reach the surface. It’s like the paying-attention-and-concentrating-so-hard-on-something-you-realize-you-need-to-take-a-breath feeling. It’s what happens to me when I am trying a difficult soldering technique or trying to fuse metal without it slumping. This same feeling has been mine for months and months. I’ve noticed and reminded myself to breathe.
After 28 years being in the Vineyard I’m free.
The leaving took what seemed like forever. I didn’t leave mad. I haven’t left heart broken. I have left satisfied. Full.
And best of all,
open
Here’s to the rest of my life and the freedom it holds. Cheers!
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This topic was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by
starfielder.
cheers mate!
AnonymousCONGRATS STARFIELDER!! I’m glad you were able to leave on your own time table and your own terms. I doubt many people can say that!
ja Starfielder !
Can I ask, was/is there anything specifically you can point to that helped you on your path, or can you attribute it to just ‘being’ and going with the process over time? Or maybe this question is just so big it should stay as a question ? (ha, David will like that)
@Helene, I was asked this question just last night and there is truly not one answer. It is many answers. I went to therapy. I saw my spiritual director regularly. I participated in retreats – not church retreats but silent retreats and other themed retreats. I did lots and lots of art. I listened to lots and lots of music. I let the unanswerable be just that, unanswerable. I let the people who behaved badly, behave badly and I chose to no longer engage them. @David gave me a nugget of advice that helped shift my perspective and it was this: “Treat them as noisy apartment neighbors.” I did just that. I noticed them and then moved on. I spent months with terrible anxiety and the more I stepped away from church the less anxiety I felt. @Richard has talked about this some… the horrible anxiety. I have been willing to let go of all those relationships. I have been willing to let go of all that identity and status. I let go of the sense of belonging. I have been willing to enjoy each day as it comes and appreciate what each day holds. I wrote copious pages in my journal. And then I wrote some more.
These things, words and actions, have all been part of my process over many many many months.
@starfielder – thanks for sharing !
Wow! Great to hear what’s been going on in your life. I know you’ve been around here but we haven’t crossed paths for a while.
Thank @Scott Gillespie! And Thanks @Jo White!
@Starfielder that is so good to hear. And I am happy for you. My church exit was sudden and abrupt and it knocked me off my center of balance. I held my breath for over a year before I realized I was holding my breath. It took me TOO LONG to get back to realizing there would be a tomorrow. Our church experiences have been so different but you are a bright light here at TLS and I thank you for sharing your music!!!
This is fantastic news, I am glad you back on the stable path
I am still currently trying to find true balance in my beliefs after leaving the church and shedding a lot of old traditional beliefs, its a confusing time, but an interesting one regardless.I am SO happy for you @starfielder .
Congrats @starfielder! I love that you’re “open.”
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This topic was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by
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