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AnonymousI look forward to dialoging more with you too Ashley.
I haven’t “come out of the closet” so to speak (about leaving the institutional church) with close family members at all yet. I guess because I don’t look forward to that “invisible wall” I know I will feel, when the view me as someone they need to “bring back into the fold.” My hat is off to all of you who have already shared your views with family members and are having to deal with the fall out!
I am very grateful to my siblings who cheer me on. I have nothing to say to all my “church” friends. It’s kinda none of their business I guess. My dear friends all know my story and cheer me on. I took a huge risk and revealed myself to them and they have been with me through this journey. And I still have a wonderful, deep, rich, life-giving “relationship” with the divine. I cherish this relationship with my whole being. It is a life source that allows me to love my husband, love my kids, and frankly to love my neighbor as myself even when we are all being shitty. And to all my friends who are atheists, agnostics, non theists, etc, I cheer you on as well. I have found that my world is big enough for all of us.
AnonymousWell said starfielder!!
Thanks Jo.
I am an atheist. One of the brilliant aspects of the statement, “Love your neighbor as yourself” is that it is rooted in empathy. It needs no god. It only requires that you love yourself, because if you hate yourself then following that rule you will hate everyone. And I see that played out all the time. I think that if this relationship is a psychological law then it may explain why Christians are so hateful.
So, if you are worried about being a harmful person, I think you’re pretty safe. I have found the more I connect with others, the less likely I will do harmful things. And the more informed I become the more I am humbled by the world we live in.
Jo,
I applaud your honesty. You are on the first steps to freedom. One of the most ignored aspects of chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia is the effect of chronic fear on the body. A religious narrative based on fear will create a constant state of tension within the body, because the body can’t tell the difference between real danger and imaginary danger. This is the main component of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. You end up going through life with the brake and the gas pedal on at the same time. It expends a tremendous amount of energy and eventually creates real restrictions in the connective tissue of the body because the body hardens areas that don’t move. This can create a tourniquet on the lymph system and creates chronic inflammation, which is often labelled fibromyalgia.
One of the main things you can continue to give yourself is permission to have your own feelings. Dr. Peter Levine has a great book called “Waking the Tiger” that describes this process of recovery. It is based partly on what he observed in animals and how they recover from fearful situations. There is a deep body shift that occurs when fear leaves.
In reality there is no separation of the mind and the body. We only separate them to try and understand them. Be very gentle with yourself and continue to listen to your own intuition. It sounds like you aren’t going to let anyone take your identity away from you again.
AnonymousYes, I think it’s safe to say I won’t let anyone take my identity away from me ever again!
Thanks for your compassionate response and the information you shared regarding CFS and Fibromyalgia. I’ve always attributed my CFS to being in a stressful/emotionally abusive marriage for 18 yrs. (I’m happily divorced now), a stressful job for years as an operating room nurse, then top all that off with the shock and intense stress related to discovering I was a victim of sexual abuse and going through therapy to deal with that, plus the craziness of dealing with parents who are still toxic and in complete denial..
I was pretty sure I had PTSD, but I never really gave much thought to “the fear factor” which was at the root of all the stress. Great analogy of living life with one foot pressing on the gas pedal while the other one is pressing on the brake! It makes perfect sense!
I will definitely check out the book you recommended by Dr. Peter Levine. Thanks!
Jo, You may find some additional encouragement here…
https://www.facebook.com/groups/35429320847/members/
“You know what I’m talking about. You went to an IFB (Independent Fundamental Baptist) church three times a week. The Chr
istian school you attended was connected to your church/cult, or you were home-schooled. Your church was committed to the “Doctrine of Separation” and strong discipline. You believed Billy Graham was the “bad guy” and that all other churches and religious organizations were/are disobedient and in “sin” (i.e. you were taught even the Southern Baptists were/are “compromising liberals”). Your church also controlled nearly every aspect of your life. Your family may have even needed to get permission from the pastor before going on vacation (if you dared leaving in the first place). If you are female (heaven forbid), you most likely wore long skirts and the IFB clothing item known as “culottes” most of your life whenever you went in public (you even went swimming in them).You’re familiar with most if not all of the following:
“Bus Ministry”
“Soul-winning”
Gospel tracts
King James Onlyism
“The Bible says, ‘Touch Not God’s Anointed’ and that means ME!”etc. “
AnonymousThanks Randy! I checked out that Facebook page, and even though I was never part of IFB, I can relate to MOST of the things listed on there.
jo and amy im right there with you……….did you read my thoughts?
When I left the community that I was living in to live in the “real” world I no longer had an identity. It’s taken me years and years to get over this. I grew my hair out so I would fit in better. I started wearing “normal” clothing. I even started to eat meat. I tried to be “normal” like everyone else. But, about one year ago I realized I was trying to be someone that I am not! I was not being true to my core beliefs and values. I decided to stop eating meat. I dont want to kill animals anymore. And I deciced I would dress to please my self. I don’t worry so much about fitting in anymore. I am what I am.
AnonymousI love the phrase identity theft. Some of us like myself had our selves molded early on. I am just discovering who my identity really is. I think I like myself.
AnonymousThat’s great news Jeb!! I still have a LONG way to go when it comes to discovering out my true identity, but it’s the journey – not the destination – that’s important, right?
AnonymousGiordana – “great minds think alike” seems to be a recurring theme in this community!
Know-Nun – that’s great that you are at a place now where you can basically say, to hell with what others think – I gotta be ME! You inspire me to do the same!
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