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AnonymousThis is my third goddamn try at posting this. I am working at being more tolerant, forgiving, and crap like that and less bombastic and reactive. As you can see it’s not going well. Anyway one of my airedale friends posted this on FB this morning and it threw me b/c I never would have expected it from her:
There is a mother, whose child is a boy, but claims he identifies as a girl. The label for this delusion is called “transgender”. She insists that….because he FEELS like a girl….even though he ISN’T a girl……he should be allowed in the girl’s bathroom, at elementary school. Because the school won’t comply with her demands, the boy is not going to school. If one takes this ridiculous, and illusory scenario to its logical conclusion: I’m an adult, but if I FEEL like I’m only 2 year old, and I IDENTIFY as a 2 year old. Therefore, if I go to the cinema, I shouldn’t need to pay the adult fee. I should get free access to the movie! It doesn’t matter that I AM an adult. All that matters is that I don’t FEEL like I’m an adult. If I’m not given free entry, I should have the right to sue the theater, whose management has been so insensitive and uncooperative with my identity issue. And what if I feel like Joan Of Arc? Does THAT make me Joan Of Arc? How about Napoleon Bonaparte? Or Minnie Mouse? Or Queen Latifah? This nauseating political correctness is totally out of control. There was a time when people were encouraged to seek counseling, if they were controlled by erroneous perceptions. Now, they are told that they are entitled to them!!
The old me would have said wtf [blank] I never would have expected this kind of ignorant bullshit from you. And unfriended her. The new improved me said this:
Being transgendered is not a delusion, illusion or mental disorder. It is a real state of being. I don’t claim to have the answer to the dilemma of where this young child should go the the bathroom such that everyone can feel comfortable, but in my opinion showing grace and tolerance to an individual or group who is not harming anyone, whom we may not understand but recognize as a fellow child of God, is not being politically correct. It’s being the Christ and bringing heaven to earth. JMHO.
I mean, I was really fucking trying. To which she responded:
Hi, Kathy. I hope that you are having a great day. You are certainly entitled to your opinion; however, if this boy has an XY chromosome….this establishes him as a male…despite how he feels. It is written in stone, and is one of the biological absolutes of life. XX is female, XY is male. There are hermaphrodites; but, that is a completely different scenario. Hermaphrodites are actually a combination of both genders. And I can certainly comprehend the dilemma in this situation. Depending on the extent of the physical characteristics, most doctors perform a surgery to render the child one gender….or the other. The problem, in my opinion, is that….instead of getting this boy the counseling that he desperately needs, they are facilitating his delusion. He is a boy, whether he feels like it, or not. And, concerning the issue of not harming anyone else: the parents who have female children at that school do not feel comfortable with a boy entering the girl’s bathroom. Thus, it is deleteriously affecting other people….who are in the majority. But, what is best for the majority doesn’t seem to matter anymore. Our society is evolving into a place where every bizarre propensity must be catered to. Thank you for expressing your belief in a respectful way. I appreciate that.
Being a grownup fucking sucks. I want to go back to the old way. Is it time to retreat? I think it is. She seems to enjoy her black/white thinking at least on this matter and who am I to deprive her of that. I said what I had to say and feel like she did not or could not hear me. That triggered me b/c of my parents. Fuck.
Rosey, it isn’t easy is it?! I hear you. peace.
Rosey! I hear you! And you know what? I LOVE what you said to her! LOVE IT! You were more than kind, and you displayed a maturity that is seriously lacking in many other people.., quite obviously! You wanted to give her a piece of your mind, but instead you used your mind and gave her a reflection of your HEART. And I just want to say, YAY YOU! Even though her response shows that she doesn’t have the same heart as you, you already knew that, and she only proved it even more..so in the end, I hope you can take comfort in knowing that even if you’d ripped her to shreds with your words the only difference it would have made would be to reflect badly on YOU and you DIDN’T do that..:) I’ve been in situations like these..and actually, a whole bunch recently..something is up, huh?
AnonymousIn retrospect the only thing I would do differently is not use the word tolerance. Like I will do the trans community a big honor and favor by tolerating them until such time that they reach my level of maturity and evolution. That is not what I meant at all. I guess I meant respect. Showing grace and respect. You know, like the golden rule. The only actual commandment Jesus ever gave. I did the fucking best I could. I think I need to learn to plant seeds and then get the hell out of there and not take it personally whether or not the seeds I planted ever bear fruit. It would have been nice if one other person would have liked my comment or echoed my sentiment but instead people are making crude jokes and saying omg I love this and am going to ‘use it.’ Whatever the hell that means, I guess repost. So I just don’t feel heard. This is exactly how I felt when I left church after speaking up in the board meeting. From what I understand the place hasn’t changed at all. So what use is there in speaking out? Just to have the peace that you did what you felt led to do? Am I not saying things good enough? Am I retreating too soon? Do I not trust life enough? Maybe someone else will see that post and be open to a new viewpoint, and I will never know. Do I have to know? Guess not.
rosey, “I guess I meant respect. Showing grace and respect. You know, like the golden rule. The only actual commandment Jesus ever gave. I did the fucking best I could.”
Kudos to you for doing it. Kudos to you for the risk and courage. Kudos to you for the personal cost at speaking out. Hats off to you.
Wow. Intense. I’m with you Roseyaire. Well said!
AnonymousHey rosey what yu just shared reminede me of my expereince in thevineyard church where I felt my voice had been taken away. For me it was like someone had punched me in the stomach and I was winded. But that I didn’t know what to do about it. Frustration, uncertainty and feelings of helplessnes and impotence. At one meeting someone from the front said that someone here has had their voice taken away. Someone else said that we are all meant to shine like lighthousese. I remenber a commandment Jesus said to let your lihgt shine, not hid it under a bushel.
So I spoke with the pastro the next day. No resloution to this difficulty. In fact, it went from frustration to anxiety and lack of sleep after talkeing wiht the pastor. I had a great laugh when I saw David’s “How to know if your pastor is a zombie” cartoon. It still cracks me up! One ot the things being on the list was “he tries to eat your brains” and anothe “he won’t stop until you are like him”. Humour – the alchemy of turning pain int a thing of beauty as with other art forms. Love it!
Anyway – stayed in a gentlemanly agreeing to disagree with the pastor and we shook hands as i decided to leave the church.
On my last day there – the lady that shared from the front said she had a vision for me – that of an acrorn. Now, the acorn was the emblem of the apprentice squadron I jioned in the Royan Air Force. The motto of the squadron was “few are chosen”. I recalled Jesus saying “blessed are you when mean hat you for my sake for great will be your rewanrd in heaven”. I was honoured. I recall the disciples considering themselves being honoured by considere to be worthy enough to expereince suffereings for what they were doing. they had prisons, beatings etc to endure. For me – I just left the church and a freind of min later said that I had been treated the way Jesus had when Jesus was rejected. I know I shared the suffereings of Christ. It has made me stronger in Christ for having enduder that and for how I have engaged with it.
Tho – it was hell at the time.
I dentify with the doubting questions you ask in the midst of all tha social pressure. I hope that like me you can have a freind to speak powerfully into that. Whatever people have said to you, you are precious, your voice is of value and you clearly show you are willing to learn with what you shared about sowing seeds and not taking it pweronally if fruit isnot the outcome of it. Maybe someday you will be able to see any bad reaction to the seed to sow as the “fruit” and a sign that you are doing something right and sharing the suffereings of Chist?
Peace and Love
AnonymousRosey – I thought what you said was the PERFECTLY BALANCE! You calmly stated your position without getting defensive, and you gave her some things to think about. Plus there’s no use arguing with people who have already made up their minds, so you saved yourself lots of grief!
I do think you planted a seed – actually many seeds – because who knows how many people will end up reposting/reading what you said? I feel confident that it will cause at least one person, if not more, to stop and really think about what you said – and even change their viewpoint. Why do I believe this? Because I used to be a very black and white, judgmental Christian (just like your Facebook friend), but now I see things through a very different lens. Now I react with Christ’s LOVE and GRACE rather than judgment and criticism. And it all began with a seed a non-Christian co-worker planted in my mind many years ago. I’m sure she has no idea what she started, but I’m so thankful she spoke up because she made me stop and think!
Several of us were in the break room, and someone mentioned a newspaper article about a transgendered couple who was trying to adopt a child they had already been caring for and had become quite attached to. Of course a couple of us “Christians” got on our high horses and said that kind of couple should NEVER be allowed to adopt children. Period! Then we went merrily on our way, not giving it another thought.
Later that day a non-Christian co-worker confronted me and said something to this effect, “What you Christians said about that newspaper article is just plain WRONG! That transgender couple has done nothing but good by providing that little child with a loving, stable home environment. But you Christians are so prejudiced you would rather see that little child physically and emotionally uprooted from the only stable, loving home environment she has ever known, and have her thrown into the foster care system where who knows what might happen to her? Not to mention breaking the hearts of that couple and that poor child!”
I was so stunned by her remarks that I was speechless! But I can tell you I gave what she said a whole lot of thought after I walked away. Her words were like holding a mirror up to my soul, and what I saw wasn’t pretty. The next day as soon as I saw her I apologized and told her she was absolutely right! That little child was lucky to have those two loving parents in her life, and I was totally wrong for judging them.
That was over 20 years ago and I have been re-evaluating and readjusting my thinking ever since! So don’t stop making your voice heard Rosey! You just never know whose life will be impacted and changed because you dared to “speak the truth in love.” YOU GO GIRL!
I think you said a damn fine thing rosey, especially given the topic! There is far too much discrimination of the LGBT community, and far too much ignorance surrounding the transgender community. The problem is, that a lot of people (especially Christians), will throw out judgement on people who exist outside their bubble, people they simply have no contact with, people who’s lives have no effect on theirs. Its why rape culture exists, its why so many Christians have the audacity to sign petitions forbidding gay marriage, its why comments like the one you posted above exists. People will advocate things that do not effect them directly but do affect the lives of others, its prejudice, bigotry and social cowardice all combined. Well done for standing up to that! *hi fives*
AnonymousThanks friends. I appreciate your input and kindness. Some things have happened. One, I had a bunch of wine and calmed down. Two, a FB friend liked my comment and added one of her own. That’s when I realized the issue for me was feeling and alone and unsupported, exactly like at home, school, work, and church when dealing with bullies and hatefulness. I have hope that as the times change more and more people will choose to no longer be silent and we will speak up and support each other. I let my friend know I appreciated her speaking up, and she in fact thanked me for thanking her. Apparently she had told her husband that day “Why can’t I ever just shut up?’ and after hearing from me she said ” You just gave me my answer.” We need to support and help each other to stay sane. I have had painful experiences when speaking out, I’ve been told to mind my own business even by the person I was defending, I’ve been ganged up on, etc. But in the end I don’t think this is really about me. It’s about letting God work thru me in whatever way I perceive that to be happening. And then letting go of the outcome and not wasting time getting upset or fretting over who else is joining me. I know myself, and I would have been more upset had I stayed silent. It would still be nagging at me. Now, this incident is over. Next time I’ll do a little better. Unlike my biological parents, all God asks is that I do the best I can.
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